Good things are happening!

It looks like things are really looking up at my house. Yesterday, Chris got a new job. He'll be working here. Arch is a high-end art supply store in SF. The best thing about his new employer (a local architect who owns the store) is that she promotes wellness among her employees. He'll be getting medical benefits (so great!), in addition to a yearly sum that can be used for, well, wellness. Like gym memberships and such. We're planning to start working out together, so that we can both get in shape and start training for our favorite sports. His is a martial art called hapkido - he's only two belts away from a black belt. Mine is swimming - I've found a masters level swim program at Holy Names College, which is nearby. Here's a pic of us now - can't wait to see what we'll look like 6 months from now!

Ouch

Wanna know why I'm having WLS? It's not the prospect of vintage clothes shopping, or the hope of acceptance from society. Pain is the reason - I am in constant pain. From the time I wake up and get out of bed in the morning, until the time I climb into bed at night, I hurt. Pain has become a third person in my relationship - there's Chris, me, and whatever body part is hurting me most at the time. It's usually my neck, my back or one of my arms - sometimes it's my knees or my feet. But I'm never free of it. I'm literally carrying the weight of a second person on my frame and I can not wait to be free.

I want to thank everyone that has stopped by my blog to wish me well - I appreciate you all so much! The next three weeks will go painfully slow for me. I hate to wait for things once I've made up my mind about them. I'm just doing my best to be patient and try to get things organized before the big day. I got a letter at the end of last week with the dates of my pre-op appts and in big capital letters it said, "START YOUR PRE-OP DIET NOW". Damn. Ok. So I'm back to low-carbing. I've started drinking an EAS Carb Control shake every morning to bump up my protein before surgery. I've been working at increasing my water intake too. I just pray that I don't have to do the liquid diet thing for the two weeks before my surgery. That will suck. But if I have to, I have to. Anything is worth it at this point. I'm ready. Let's do this!

GUESS WHO HAS A DATE?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES! It's me - I think I'm still in shock. But I'M APPROVED!!!!! My date with Dr. Upadhyay is Tuesday, September 19 at 2:45pm. I actually could have had Sep. 6, but my mom and step-dad are going to Idaho to visit my step-sister on the 10th, and I decided to wait until after they get back. Gotta go - Chris just pulled into the garage and I can't wait to tell him - I'll write more soon!

Friends

Dagny's recent blog entry got me thinking about my friends. For the most part, I've always been friends with men.. primarily gay men. Basically, I've been a major fag hag. I believe that I was most comfortable around gay men because I had nothing to fear.. none of them was going to reject me because the sexual boy-girl element didn't exist. The relationships that I did have with straight men were kept completely separate from the rest of my life and for the most part, were pretty dysfunctional. I even fell for a bisexual man at one point and we had a very turbulent, painful relationship. Thankfully we eventually decided to stop torturing each other and just become friends.

In my late twenties, I did something I had never done before - I lost weight. I lost 80 lbs when I was 28 years old and my life, and the people in it, changed. I remained friends with my very close gay male friends, but I also started to become friends with women and I started to date often. The women that I became the closest to were also overweight, in varying degrees. I didn't feel comfortable around thin women.. I felt completely out of place. Over the last few years, my two closest female friends have both lost a lot of weight .. my best friend had WLS a year ago and now weighs around 150. Another very close friend weighed probably around 180 or so and now weighs around 150. I'm nowhere near that. And unfortunately, I've found myself feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious around them. One of the two girls lives about an hour and half away from me and I've found myself declining her invitations to come and visit because I'm ashamed of the weight that I've regained. I keep telling myself that I will see her after the surgery.. when I'm back to the Danyele that she knows, which means the Danyele that weights 227, not 280. When I visit my friend that had WLS, I feel jealous of her success and ashamed for feeling that way. I don't want my friendships to revolve around how much any of us weighs.. I think this is something that I'll have to work on.

Good news

I had my endoscopy on Friday and my ulcers are healed.. I'm so relieved. I was really out of it, so I didn't get to ask Dr. U any questions after it was over. The nurse told me that my stomach was still a little irritated, so Dr. U wants me to keep taking the Protonix. Before I was sedated, Dr. U and I talked about surgery dates. We're both thinking either the third or fourth week of September. Yea! Friday afternoon I had my psych appt. It went great.. the psychiatrist was really friendly and supportive of WLS. He will be sending his positive report by the end of theweek. It would be great if DeAngela could send off for insurance approval before Friday.

It finally feels like this is going to happen!

Pretty on the inside

Something has been bothering me lately. Is it me, or are a lot of people really negative on the various WLS message boards, in blogs, etc? I can understand a little snarkiness.. I think we're all a little guilty of that now and then. But I'm talking about being downright mean or rude. I understand that many people who are post-op probably go through a period of adjustment .. maybe they've allowed people to walk all over them because they were lacking in self-esteem when they were obese. But I don't see that as an excuse to become an all-out bitch or to abuse other people once the weight starts to drop off. An example.. recently I was looking at a WLS community on livejournal. These two hateful girls had created an LJ community called "I_hate_*****" (person's name) to belittle a post-op girl. They posted some very unflattering pre-op pics of her and write a whole mess of nasty things about her. And I thought.. this is like high school all over again. Are the "nice chubby" girls trying to rediscover themselves by becoming the "bitchy skinny popular" girls now that they fit the body profile? How fucked up is that?!?

Anyway, I just needed to get that off of my chest..

As for me, I'm doing okay. I'm trying not to focus on "the wait" too much and just focus on enjoying what I have in my life today. On Sunday, we went to my girlfriend Katrina's wedding. It was wonderful - she was a beautiful bride. The weather was perfect. The wedding took place at this great German restaurant in San Jose.. it has a big outdoor patio area/beer garden, which is where the ceremony took place. Then there was champagne and yummy hors d'eouvres .. they served some delicious sausages and cheeses and pate... OMG. It reminded me so much of the food that I had on a trip to Germany and Austria a couple of years ago. Then there was a seated dinner (ok, I splurged.. jaegerschnitzel and spaetzle..mmm) and then dancing to a live German band dressed in lederhosen. I even got to slow dance with my honey. I had a blast! The best part was celebrating the new life of my dear dear friend Kat, who has been so very supportive and excited for me through this whole WLS adventure. Thank you Kat.. I love you girl!

Oh .. more good stuff.. today is my 18-month anniversary with Chris! That might sound silly, but since we met, we've always celebrated each month together. A year and half feels good.. still new and sexy, but comfortable. I'm thankful for that man every day that I wake up next to him, and I pray that we have a long future of waking up side by side.