Is anyone else pissed off..

that it took Star Jones three years to admit that she had had WLS? Or does anyone else care? Read the article here. I'm primarily angry because she had all that time, in front of literally MILLIONS of women, to discuss the issue of morbid obesity in an open forum and she chose not to. She subjected those poor women to all the details of her bullshit wedding, but couldn't talk about one of the BIGGEST HEALTH CRISES that our nation has ever seen? It pisses me off that obesity is still seen as a personality flaw.. something to feel shame over. The only shame she should feel is in failing to use the power of the media to help others suffering the way that she suffered.

Month ten in the life of the future pin-up girl

Let me just start with the good stuff - I am no longer obese (my BMI is now in the 20s), I've broken the 170s, and I'm in size 10 jeans!!! I'm noticing a big difference in my jawline and my profile - I keep finding myself staring in mirrors, in awe of the changes in my body and my face.

I never would have wanted to admit this, but I really think that my career has gotten a big boost since my WLS. A lot of this is due to my feeling my comfortable with myself, in my own skin. I feel more confident when I'm speaking to my clients, vendors and my boss. I recently went to a cocktail party that my clients invited me to. It was a "Sushi and Sake" themed party, and I looked the part, down to the wrap dress that I wore in a gorgeous Asian leaf print, my red lipstick and the smile on my face. I finally felt like I belonged in a crowded room, and that people would WANT to meet me and talk to me. It was great - I got to meet a lot of the clients that I book travel for, but had never had the opportunity to meet face-to-face. Our account is growing by leaps and bounds and I'm being given more responsibility along with their growth. I book travel for an investment banking firm. In the 15 months that I've been dedicated to this account, their workforce has doubled in size and they've opened 6 new offices. It was becoming too much for me to handle on my own, so my agency hired a new agent who is now working with me. His name is Michael and he's fabulous. We've become fast friends. We both love cooking and fresh food - he brings me homemade hummus and roasted seeds and nuts - and I've taken him peaches and tomatoes and Thai chicken salad. And thankfully we work well together, which is the best part. My responsibilities have changed too.. I'm no longer just booking travel - I'm now working in more of an account manager role.. advising my clients how to maximize their savings and working with their vendors to resolve customer service issues. It's a little stressful at times, but I enjoy it. My boss, our COO, asked me recently if I would consider becoming an account manager. I don't know if that's the direction that I want to go in, but I was honored to be asked. Who knows? It might turn out to be a good avenue for me.

I have no title for this post

I'm going to try to keep this one short because I'm having a lot of trouble focusing today. My mind is in 100 different places right now. More about that later..

I went for my first session on Saturday morning. It was wonderful to be back in the pool. I felt so nervous.. it was a lot like showing up for the first day at a new school. I met Brian and another really great coach named Andy. They gave me my own lane (which took a lot of the pressure off) and told me to just warm up a little. So I did a few laps, which was harder than I thought it would be. Then Andy brought me some swimfins. I did a few more laps and found that my left shoulder (the injured one) kept locking up. So Andy showed me how to lengthen my stroke and that helped a lot. I only ended up swimming for about 40 minutes, but that was all I could do. I was breathing really hard and felt a little dizzy. This is definitely something that I will have to work up to. I've decided that I'm going to keep doing morning sessions instead of afternoons. That means getting up at 5:30am to be to the pool at 6:00am. I'll swim for an hour, go home to get ready for work, get the train and be to work by 9:00am. Sounds doable, right? I decided on mornings because there are twice as many lanes open then and I should be able to have a lane to myself most days. Now I just have to stay motivated and get out there!

So.. the reason that I'm feeling so scattered .. Chris' good friend Aaron and his wife Ivy are going through a terribly difficult time right now. Their 4 year old son Tyler has been fighting cancer for a year and a half.. and they've just been told that he is terminal. They basically have to decide between stopping the chemo now and letting nature take its course.. he may only have a few more weeks.. or continuing chemo to give him a few more months to possibly a year. As it turns out, Aaron is also fighting cancer himself for the second time in his life. He's only 36. This is more tragedy than any family should have to face. Chris and I are just sick over it.. we want so badly to help in some way, but what can we really do except let them know that we're here for them?

I'm having a hard time emotionally lately. For all of the wonderful, joyous things in my life, there seems to be so much sadness too and it's hard for me to process. In fact, at the time that I got the email about Tyler, I also got an email from my friend Katrina's husband Steve with pics of their new baby Loren, who was born Friday morning. After our friend Lloyd being murdered recently, and Chris' uncle being murdered not long ago (I don't think I had even posted about that).. I'm just trying to make sense of - well, everything. Emotions are more difficult for me to deal with now.. I don't have anything to dull them with. Last night, I tried to comfort myself with a homemade quesadilla with guacamole and sour cream. Tasted great and made me feel good.. until I got terribly sick and ended up in bed. I lied there and cried because I knew better.. I knew that food wouldn't make Tyler's cancer go away or bring Lloyd back, or take away my sadness. It just made me ill and made me feel stupid and guilty.

This is it!

This is where I'll be swimming - the pool at Mills College in Oakland. I went this evening and met with Colleen, one of the evening coaches. I'll be swimming with both her and Brian on Saturday morning - bright and early at 7am (eek!). I'll give you a full report after my first session - wish me luck!

Taking the plunge

I finally got up the nerve to contact one of the coaches of the Manatees - a masters swim league in Oakland. If you've been reading BTPUG for awhile, then you know that my #1 post-op goal is to begin masters level swimming. Back when I wrote this post, it all seemed like such a big, scary, far-off thing.. but now here I am. I'm finally back to the size I was when I started competing in high school (and about 15-20 lbs smaller than when I stopped competing). I've been working out for a while.. and I feel good. I still have trouble with the range of motion in my left arm and shoulder, but I think with good coaching, I could regain it. So last night, I felt ready. I sent them an email asking a few questions.. and today I got a call from a super nice guy named Brian. I started out by telling him my history.. about the WLS, about my injuries, about my hesitation. He immediately put my mind at ease. He said that the coaching staff is happy to work with anyone who wants to swim.. anyone who really loves it and is willing to commit to making it a part of their lives. He's worked with cardiac patients who are rehabilitating, plenty of people working toward weight loss, and even some people dealing with psychiatric issues that are looking for a positive outlet for stress and emotions. I wanted to reach through the phone and hug the guy. This is it - this is what I need.. what I really really want. (I'm trying so hard not to start crying right now.. I'm at work) My mind keeps rolling back to memories of being immersed in water.. feeling totally connected to my body .. shutting out all of the negative thoughts in my mind and just gliding along. I can't wait to have that back in my life.

So - the plan. Brian recommended that I come by one night this week to check out the facility and meet a few of the other swimmers and one of the evening coaches (there are 3 or 4 of them, from what I understand). If I like what I see, he wants me to come back on Saturday morning when he will be coaching and do my first session. I can't wait!!!

Under the weather

Been feeling lousy for a few days now. It started out with a sore throat on Monday ..then I started to lose my voice. By Wednesday I had a fever and chills (Happy 4th of July, btw). Thankfully BBCAmerica knew that I would be on the couch most of the day, so they aired all 5 Eddie Izzard one-man shows for me.

You'd think that eating so little over the last 3 days would have helped in moving the scale .. sadly, no. Scale is stuck again. (sigh)