Treading water

Chris and I finally joined our local Bally gym and started working out together. I really like the facility - it's really clean, has lots of equipment and lots of classes - and best of all, it has a pool and a hottub! Last night I did the stretch routine that my pt taught me, then I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, and I followed up with some laps in the pool. I could only do 6 laps (2 freestyle, 2 breaststroke, and 2 with a kickboard), but it's a start. I have a session with a personal trainer next Monday night. Two sessions are included with my membership. If I can swing it, I might do a few more sessions until I have a good routine down. I'm completely lost when it comes to weight machines, and I'm not sure what would be safe to do with the neck and back issues.

Something weird happened when I got home from the gym last night - I threw up for the first time since my RNY. I've had dry heaves plenty of times, but I've never been able to actually get anything up, which I've always thought was really bizarre. I read about other RNY patients that throw up all of the time, especially after overeating. Well, I tried to eat some steak and steamed veggies - got about two bites of steak in and a few veggies, and Phyllis decided it wasn't happening. I didn't feel nauseous or anything, like I do with a dumping episode - in fact I felt perfectly fine after the food came up. I guess I might have to just do protein drinks after a workout.

Happy Loving Day!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91415079&ft=1&f=1012

http://www.lovingday.org/list_of_celebrations.htm

Picking up the pieces

Slowly but surely, I'm working to get myself out of the negative "poor me" frame of mind. I'm making small strides, but I still have a lot to do. I went back to physical therapy this morning, and we're joining Ballys this weekend. I really liked the physical therapist that I worked with today. She started off by warming me up on a big heating pad for 15 minutes, then we went through my stretch routine. I've been stretching on and off in the evenings, but I need to make it a daily (or better yet, twice daily) routine. When I told the pt that I would be joining a gym over the weekend, she was really excited for me and she showed me a few routines that would be appropriate for me to do with the weight machines. I'm also going to look into the times for their aqua-aerobics classes (they have a 3-lane Olympic length pool - yea!) and yoga and Pilates. All of the classes are included, so it's just up to me to make it happen.

Big incentive coming up - I'm going to New York City the week of July 14 for work. I'll be doing A LOT of walking, as I'll be doing several hotel site inspections. I really want to enjoy myself and I do not want to be in pain on the trip.

Lose a little weight and see the world - cheap!

http://flyderrie-air.com/


(ps... it's just a joke kids)

So much for so long

I've missed you (my friends and my blog) so much for so long. I've been afraid to come back to you, though I think of you every day. This blog has been my truth and I've run away from it. And now I'm running back to it because I need it. I really truly need it.

Where to start.. well, ok. Let's start with the hardest stuff. I've gained weight - anyone surprised? No? I didn't think you would be. I seriously considered taking the ticker off of the top of this page because I want so badly to hide it.. to lie.. to put on a big smile and say, "Me? The pin-up girl? I'm doing faaaaabulously, darlings!" But I'm not. The number is there at the top for all to see. I need to see it. I need it to scare the fuck out of me. And it is.. it's scaring the fuck out of me.

What's next? Ah yes.. pain. I'm in pain all. of. the. time. Beginning on Sunday, I started traction therapy three times a day, 15 minutes per session, for 6 weeks .. because the disc in my neck is herniated to the point that's it's compressing a nerve that is making my left arm go numb. Then there are the severe muscle spasms that I still have in my lower back. I feel like I've been tricked.. hoodwinked.. the surgery was supposed to take the weight off and my back would be healed - right? Right?! No. Damnit.

The latest thing? My father is going blind. His diabetes has been so out of control for so long that he's fucking going blind. He moved back to St. Louis a few months ago to live with my Aunt Kathy again. He took his girlfriend, who I cannot stand and don't trust at all, with him. Yesterday, he called me and told me about the problems with his eyesight and his upcoming appointment with the opthomologist, when he expects he'll be told he can no longer drive. My Dad - the bad muthafuckin biker - can no longer drive or ride. This morning, he called me to book a flight to come out to visit in July. He couldn't see well enough to write down the flight details. My heart just sank.

And with all of this sadness and anger and frustration.. you know what I want to do? I WANT TO EAT GODDAMNIT! I want a cheeseburger.. or Red Vines.. or something. Something to please take it all away. Just for a minute.

I need my friends. I need my blog. I'm sorry that I ran away .. I really really am.