Becoming the Pin-Up Girl

OH Baby, it's cold outside...

2008-11-25T09:33:00.000-08:00

...and I'm feeling ill. I wish that I could have stayed in my warm bed with the covers pulled up tight around me. I'm not sure what's up with Phyllis - I've been severely nauseous for about four days now. I spent three straight hours on Sunday with dry heaves, and then another hour last night. My whole torso (especially my neck and back) hurts.. and I can't keep any of my pain meds down. I have a feeling that it's the pain meds that have irritated my stomach to begin with. I hope Phyllis calms down soon .. I'm supposed to help my Mom cook in two days.

In other news, I've decided to attend an OH (ObesityHelp) event on Saturday, December 6, at the Marriott in San Ramon, CA. I haven't been on the OH site in over a year, but when I found out that two fellow blogsisters, Melting Mama and Eggface, were going to be there, I decided to give it a try. I could definitely use some support and renewed motivation - especially since I have a dress to buy soon! If you're in my neck of the woods, you should think about attending. You can even get a $15 discount off the ticket price - just enter "GOLDEN08" for reduced price tickets.

He popped the question...

2008-11-20T10:08:00.000-08:00

and I said "YES!"

It's official.. Chris and I are engaged. I've been walking around all day like a big dork with a cheesy grin on my face. I'm just so happy and excited.. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this day of work.

It was sweet and simple - he surprised me at work with flowers and chocolate covered almonds. And from the silly look on his face, I knew what was up. I told him "not here" and I started to blush. So we went for a walk by my office. He sat me down on the marble steps of the Federal Reserve Bank.. he got down on one knee.. and he sweetly asked me to marry him. I will remember the look in his eyes for the rest of my life.

There's no date yet. I'm just excited to have made it this far. For now, I'm content in using the word "fiancee" and showing off my ring. Oh yeah - the ring! Here's a pic:

I love it - I can't stop looking at it. I can't stop thinking about our future. I can't stop smiling!

What does the Pin-Up Girl have in common with a WWE wrestler?

2008-10-06T22:09:00.000-07:00

WWE champ John Cena had a cervical discectomy with fusion after an injury to his neck - it turns out that he had his surgery a month before me. If he can recover and return to his career, I think I'll be okay.

http://www.wwe.com/inside/news/cenaoutvowstoreturn

My favorite pin-up to date

2008-10-03T13:56:00.000-07:00

I normally would not approve of altering an artist's original work, but I love what Chris did for me in Photoshop with this Gil Elvgren piece (look closely). Sorry Mr. Elvgren.

A very nice evening

2008-10-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

Well, the eBay auction isn't looking good for the ring. Oh well. We'll try again if we don't get this one. The auction closes in about 2 hours - I'm winning right now, but we can't afford to increase our bid much more.

I had a really nice visit last night. Two of my best friends, John (to my right) and his bf Shane (to my left), came over bearing a huge bouquet of gorgeous flowers and yummy Thai takeout. It was a great pick-me-up. I haven't really been able to get out of the house much since my surgery, and I've been missing my friends terribly. Here is a pic from last night - you can see what my incision looks like. After my appt. with Dr. Randall next week, I can start putting some scar treatments on it. I can't put anything on it for now. I think I'll be wearing a lot of scarves and turtlenecks this winter.

*Update - yeah, we lost the auction :-( ..sigh. Oh well, we'll keep looking. It's still great knowing that I can call him my fiancee soon!

Shhhhhhhh.. can you keep a secret?

2008-09-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

Guess who just put a bid on a vintage engagement/wedding ring set today? Chris did! I don't know if we'll get this one, but it's so fun to talk about rings and shop around a little bit. We've been talking about taking this next step for quite some time. Yep, it's been a pretty nice day - just the thought of being Mrs. Stewart is taking the edge off of the pain!

Healing

2008-09-24T12:38:00.000-07:00

Wow - has it really been that long since I've posted?! Well, life has been rough for a while. The pain that I've written about continued to get worse and worse, and I finally found out what was wrong. The disc in my neck between my C5 and C6 vertebrae was completely ruptured - it had ripped all the way across the front and the material from inside of it was putting a lot of pressure on my spinal cord. It was causing severe pain, numbness and spasming from my neck, up into my head, down both shoulders, down my arms, and all the way to the tips of my fingers. On July 21, I went on disability because I just couldn't bear to type anymore. I saw a neurosurgeon, the amazing Dr. Randall, and he recommended that I have surgery to remove the disc. At first, I was just really scared and not ready for such an extreme surgery. The thought of anyone messing with my spinal cord scared the holy hell out of me. For four weeks, I tried some conservative treatments, like traction and physical therapy.. even acupuncture. Nothing worked and the pain continued to get worse. I went back to Dr. Randall and told him, "Ok - I'm ready. I can't live like this anymore. Let's just fix it." So he scheduled the surgery. I then saw a pain management specialist who put me on Fentanyl patches - they're very strong opiate pain relieving patches that give off a time-released drug through the skin. That helped me just to manage until the surgery. So - this Monday, the 22nd, I had the surgery. Dr. Randall cut a 2 inch incision in the front of my neck. He removed the blown out disc and replaced it with a piece of cadaver bone, and then he put a titanium plate over the C5 and C6 vertebrae to hold everything in place. Over time, my natural bone will fuse with the cadaver bone, and then the area should be secure. Everything went really well. I was up and around shortly after I got out of recovery and into my room. Chris was there for me (what an angel.. I am so blessed to have him), and so were my Mom and my stepfather Jerry. I spent one night in the hospital and I was able to come home yesterday.

It's amazing how much better I feel already. The nerve pain is completely gone - the pain that I have now is just from the surgery. My neck is swollen and it hurts around the incision, and I can't move my head a whole lot, and I'm having spasms between my shoulders - I think that's just from the position that they had me in on the operating table.

I'm very hopeful that this will help me heal and get back to the life that I had just begun to live after my gastric bypass. My 2 year surgiversary was on September 19. Thankfully, I've maintained my weight through this whole ordeal. I weight 186, which is kinda funny - I weighed 186 during my last post, over 2 months ago. I think that's a good sign. My next goal is to heal up and when Dr. Randall gives me the ok, I want to start strengthening my core muscles so that I can support my spine. I'll always have to be careful with exercise, because it is possible to break the fusion in my neck, but there is a lot that I can do. I can't wait to start!

Treading water

2008-06-18T11:15:00.000-07:00

Chris and I finally joined our local Bally gym and started working out together. I really like the facility - it's really clean, has lots of equipment and lots of classes - and best of all, it has a pool and a hottub! Last night I did the stretch routine that my pt taught me, then I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, and I followed up with some laps in the pool. I could only do 6 laps (2 freestyle, 2 breaststroke, and 2 with a kickboard), but it's a start. I have a session with a personal trainer next Monday night. Two sessions are included with my membership. If I can swing it, I might do a few more sessions until I have a good routine down. I'm completely lost when it comes to weight machines, and I'm not sure what would be safe to do with the neck and back issues.

Something weird happened when I got home from the gym last night - I threw up for the first time since my RNY. I've had dry heaves plenty of times, but I've never been able to actually get anything up, which I've always thought was really bizarre. I read about other RNY patients that throw up all of the time, especially after overeating. Well, I tried to eat some steak and steamed veggies - got about two bites of steak in and a few veggies, and Phyllis decided it wasn't happening. I didn't feel nauseous or anything, like I do with a dumping episode - in fact I felt perfectly fine after the food came up. I guess I might have to just do protein drinks after a workout.

Happy Loving Day!

2008-06-12T12:15:00.001-07:00

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91415079&ft=1&f=1012

http://www.lovingday.org/list_of_celebrations.htm

Picking up the pieces

2008-06-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

Slowly but surely, I'm working to get myself out of the negative "poor me" frame of mind. I'm making small strides, but I still have a lot to do. I went back to physical therapy this morning, and we're joining Ballys this weekend. I really liked the physical therapist that I worked with today. She started off by warming me up on a big heating pad for 15 minutes, then we went through my stretch routine. I've been stretching on and off in the evenings, but I need to make it a daily (or better yet, twice daily) routine. When I told the pt that I would be joining a gym over the weekend, she was really excited for me and she showed me a few routines that would be appropriate for me to do with the weight machines. I'm also going to look into the times for their aqua-aerobics classes (they have a 3-lane Olympic length pool - yea!) and yoga and Pilates. All of the classes are included, so it's just up to me to make it happen.

Big incentive coming up - I'm going to New York City the week of July 14 for work. I'll be doing A LOT of walking, as I'll be doing several hotel site inspections. I really want to enjoy myself and I do not want to be in pain on the trip.

Lose a little weight and see the world - cheap!

2008-06-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

http://flyderrie-air.com/

(ps... it's just a joke kids)

So much for so long

2008-06-04T16:25:00.000-07:00

I've missed you (my friends and my blog) so much for so long. I've been afraid to come back to you, though I think of you every day. This blog has been my truth and I've run away from it. And now I'm running back to it because I need it. I really truly need it.

Where to start.. well, ok. Let's start with the hardest stuff. I've gained weight - anyone surprised? No? I didn't think you would be. I seriously considered taking the ticker off of the top of this page because I want so badly to hide it.. to lie.. to put on a big smile and say, "Me? The pin-up girl? I'm doing faaaaabulously, darlings!" But I'm not. The number is there at the top for all to see. I need to see it. I need it to scare the fuck out of me. And it is.. it's scaring the fuck out of me.

What's next? Ah yes.. pain. I'm in pain all. of. the. time. Beginning on Sunday, I started traction therapy three times a day, 15 minutes per session, for 6 weeks .. because the disc in my neck is herniated to the point that's it's compressing a nerve that is making my left arm go numb. Then there are the severe muscle spasms that I still have in my lower back. I feel like I've been tricked.. hoodwinked.. the surgery was supposed to take the weight off and my back would be healed - right? Right?! No. Damnit.

The latest thing? My father is going blind. His diabetes has been so out of control for so long that he's fucking going blind. He moved back to St. Louis a few months ago to live with my Aunt Kathy again. He took his girlfriend, who I cannot stand and don't trust at all, with him. Yesterday, he called me and told me about the problems with his eyesight and his upcoming appointment with the opthomologist, when he expects he'll be told he can no longer drive. My Dad - the bad muthafuckin biker - can no longer drive or ride. This morning, he called me to book a flight to come out to visit in July. He couldn't see well enough to write down the flight details. My heart just sank.

And with all of this sadness and anger and frustration.. you know what I want to do? I WANT TO EAT GODDAMNIT! I want a cheeseburger.. or Red Vines.. or something. Something to please take it all away. Just for a minute.

I need my friends. I need my blog. I'm sorry that I ran away .. I really really am.

Thankful for Loving

2008-05-05T16:22:00.001-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080505/ap_on_re_us/obit_loving

Where, oh where, has the Pin-up Girl gone?

2008-02-03T08:08:00.000-08:00

This is an email that I sent to a very good friend today.. it explains everything that I've been avoiding posting to my blog. I haven't forgotten about any of you. Life's just been tough.

******

"Hi - omg.. I didn't mean to make you worry. I did get your text and have been meaning to call.. you know how that goes. I know I haven't blogged in 2 months - believe me, it's been on my mind. The major reason is - I was very sick for about a month. The week before Christmas, I passed 3 kidney stones and ended up with such a bad kidney infection that it took 3 antibiotics to finally kill it. I've been referred to a urologist, who ordered a CAT scan to see how many more stones I have. Looked like one to the tech, but it could be two more. My regular doctor also took me off of glucophage, which is a diabetes drug that I've taken for several years for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It's basically an endocrine disorder that makes your body resist the use of insulin.. causing obesity (shock, right?!) among other things and it basically screws up all of the hormones involved in your reproductive system, making fertility very very difficult. Since the surgery, the weight loss has reversed many of the PCOS symptoms, but it doesn't reverse the disorder. So anyway.. her rationale was .."you're not diabetic.. you don't need it".. which is not the reason I was taking it. I take it to help my body use insulin more effectively.. keeping me from being a diabetic and keeping me FERTILE! So long story short.. I've gained 15 pounds back. I'm back up to 180 and very scared. I have an appt on Feb. 12 with an OB/GYN that I've never seen. I'm PRAYING that she knows enough about PCOS to put me back on Glucophage.. that should help me take the extra weight back off. And now that I've got energy back since being so sick.. I think I'm ready to start exercising again. For about 3 weeks, I could hardly get off of the couch. I missed almost 3 weeks of work which was pretty financially devastating..especially at Christmas. Oh - and we had friends from LA in town during New Year's.. something that had been planned for months that I didn't have the heart to cancel. BUT - I (and I should say WE because Chris was just the best partner I could ever wish for during the whole thing) made it through. Yesterday we celebrated our 3 year anniversary together and Thursday is my 34th (eek!) birthday. We're down in T-town celebrating my b-day and my nephew William's very first birthday, which is today. My brother is such a proud daddy.. it's very cool to watch him with his son.

So - that's the story. I promise that I will call when I can sit down and take a minute. It's just been tough.. being away from work for so long.. getting caught up.. then I got to hire a third agent (which is wonderful!).. it's kept me super super busy.

I just haven't known how to post all of this in my blog. Maybe I'll just copy this email and post it. In fact - that is what I'll do.

Thanks for being concerned - I love you guys and miss you all so very much!"

xoxo Danyele

Back home

2007-12-05T12:31:00.000-08:00

I'm finally back from my trip to London - and it was fantastic! I have lots of pictures and stories to share, but I'm afraid I haven't had a chance to sit down and get it all together for you. I had a big scare the day before I left - my Dad was in a pretty serious motorcycle accident. He broke his left femur and hip socket, but he's otherwise okay - thank goodness! So my time aside from work has been spent on the phone with him, my Aunt who is caring for him, and his lawyers. But I promise I'll get the "Thanksgiving-London-and a few other things" post out very soon. Cheers!

She works hard for the money

2007-11-15T16:52:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry that I've been away from my blog for so long. My life.. my professional life in particular, has been crazy-busy and very very exciting. Last week I was given a promotion along with a 10% raise. I'm now the account leader for my account, so I'm supervising my colleague Michael, and I'll soon be adding a third person to our account. I've worked very hard on this account and it's volume has nearly tripled in the 18 months that I've been on the account. Today, my manager Lynn took Michael and I into a conference room to tell us that we would be receiving bonuses for the hard work that we both did in the month of October - apparently she just got our transaction numbers and they were through the roof! The bonus will come in very handy because... my trip to London is back on! I've actually known about this for a few weeks, but I hesitated to mention it in case it somehow fell through again. But no - we're now being sponsored by Virgin Atlantic, which is fantastic. I've always wanted to fly Virgin in business class - so posh! This weekend I'll be doing lots of shopping for winter clothes, of which I have none. I did find a gorgeous wool and cashmere coat at the Salvation Army last weekend for $14!!! It was a hell of a good find. I think I may do more thrift shopping this weekend. This weekend is the last time that I'll have to shop and pack, because on Wednesday Chris and I leave for my parent's house for Thanksgiving. That Friday, my Mom and my Step-dad and Chris and I are headed up to a cabin that we've rented at Pinecrest Lake. Then that Sunday morning, Chris and I will drive home early in the morning - then I leave for London that afternoon. It's going to be a whirlwind couple of weeks.

I hope that you all have a joyful holiday with your families - we all have so much to be thankful for. I'm especially thankful for the opportunity to share my life with all of you - so thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Another stone

2007-11-05T12:17:00.000-08:00

I had another kidney stone this weekend. A much smaller and much less painful one.. but a stone none the less. I feel like I'm really screwing this up.. and not in a weight loss sense, but in a maintaining-my-health sense. My company just changed insurance plans on the first (thankfully Dr. U is still part of this plan), so I need to make an appt. with my new primary. I decided to change primary doctors - I couldn't stand my old one. He was really worthless. I chose a woman this time - I hope she's supportive. Anyway - I'm drink-drink-drinking away. And I'll try to keep this up.

Thirsty

2007-10-23T20:34:00.000-07:00

I'm REALLY having a tough time with liquids. I just can't seem to get in the amount of fluid that I need. I'm beginning to feel some of discomfort that I was feeling right before I ended with a kidney stone a few months back, so I'm worried. To all of my post-op friends - how do you get all of your fluids in?? I start the day off with the best intentions. I drink my double-scoop protein drink. I get to work and make myself some hot tea - Earl Grey with milk. I drink a cup or so and then the day gets away from me. I'll have some water before lunch.. then I have something to eat. I tell myself that I can't drink after eating.. and then my afternoon is gone and I haven't had anything to drink for hours. I just don't know how to make drinking a bigger priority. Help!

The hard truth

2007-10-18T13:36:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how true the opinion in this article has been for me. Before my WLS, I was invisible in my workplace. I didn't have any friends at work. I was working in a small office by myself.. no one came to talk to me.. no one invited me to functions.. I missed out on so many opportunities. Now I'm visible. I have friends at work. Vendors send me invitations and gifts and give me (and my clients) A LOT of attention. I rock this office in my dresses and heels and my red lipstick and blonde hair. I feel powerful when I walk in the door. I feel unstoppable.

Is Your Image Hurting Your Career?
by Penelope Trunk

Being overweight or sloppily dressed is worse for your career than being a poor performer.

I'm not saying this is fair, I'm saying it's true. So manage your weight, and manage the image you project at work, and you'll do wonders for your career.

If you doubt that your image can inhibit your career, think about this: According to a 2005 study by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, good-looking people make more money than average-looking people for doing exactly the same work.

Fit in Every Way

Before you get up in arms over how unfair it is to discriminate against people who are overweight, consider that there may be some rationale behind it. If you're overweight, you're probably not exercising every day. But regular exercise increases peoples' ability to cope with difficult situations in the workplace and, according to University of Illinois kinesiology professor Charles Hillman, might even make people smarter.

And the same self-discipline we use to make ourselves exercise regularly and eat in moderation carries over into other aspects of our lives. This is probably why, in a study from Leeds Metropolitan University, people who exercise regularly were found to be better at time-management and more productive than those who don't.

So don't kid yourself that if you do good work it won't matter if you're overweight. It's sort of like people who have messy desks: The perception is that they're low-performers, poor time-managers, and not clear thinkers. This might not be true at all, but the only thing they can do to overcome the perceptions of their coworkers is clean their desks.

Make Image a Priority

What makes this information particularly troubling is that so many people say they can't make time to exercise and eat right because they need to work instead. In fact, if you're overweight, you should probably put aside some of your work, accept that you won't be performing as well at the office, and manage your image more closely by going to the gym.

That's right -- get rid of that perfectionist streak, do a little less work, and use that time to make yourself look better. People will perceive that you're doing better work anyway. So instead of rationalizing why you can put work ahead of taking care of your health, start acting like a healthy person. Go to the gym at lunch, or leave work at 5 to hit the gym. Reorganize your schedule to make health a priority and your coworkers will respect you for it.

Here's something else: Dress like you care. Building a strong brand for yourself is the only way to create a stable career in today's workplace. You'll change jobs often, and what influences your ability to get new jobs most is the image you convey. People judge that before they judge one word that comes out of your mouth.

A Career Constant

I didn't have a weight problem when I owned my first company, but I did have an image problem -- I was younger than almost everyone, and my mentor told me my age was creating problems. So I hired an image consultant to drag me around town and spend lots of money until I looked more grown up.

I still worry about image issues today -- everyone does, no matter where they are in their career. It's just that today I worry less about looking older and more about what shirt is right for an appearance on CNN. The point is that issues of image are ongoing in a career that matters.

So don't be overweight and don't dress carelessly. These are just as detrimental to your career as doing your work poorly. And if my bringing this up makes you angry, consider being more forgiving, because anger is a risk factor for obesity. Besides, forgiveness makes people more resilient to difficulties because it's about seeing the world in a positive light -- which is, of course, also good for your image.

Free

2007-10-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

Our friends Aaron and Ivy's son Tyler is now in a better place, free of pain and smiling down upon us. Chris and I feel blessed to have known Tyler while he was with us, and we're so thankful that the Huge family have included us in their lives.

Tyler - we're going to miss you so much. We'll be here to help take care of your Mom and Dad and Andrew and Devon. We love you .. Chris and Danyele

Checking in

2007-10-03T14:40:00.000-07:00

My work schedule has been NUTS! lately, but thankfully it quieted down enough for me to take a full lunch break today (shock!), get a manicure (no!), and get caught up on the blogs in the webring (wow!). I don't expect this to last, so I'm making the most of it. I'm just crossing my fingers that I can get the hell out of here at 5pm and make it to my Pilates class. I've missed 2 weeks!! and I'm not happy about it.

Nothing too earth-shattering to report.. scale is bouncing around between 165 and 170 (I like the 160s.. gotta stay here!).. eating is ok, though I know I should be snacking less. It's mostly been on cheese, popcorn, or a protein bar.. but you know. It's never good.. this is related to the crazy work schedule and lack of a proper lunch break. Money is tight, so Chris and I are trying to be frugal and live off of love for the next two weeks. We'll be fine.. it's just a bummer, you know? Good stuff - I get to see my friend Katrina and her new baby Loren, who are out visiting from Minnesota. I'll see them on Saturday. And next weekend I'll meet my Sassy Sistah Melinda from San Diego - too cool! That's about it for now - I'll be back to check in soon.

Year one in the life of the pin-up girl

2007-09-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

Wednesday was my one-year Surgiversary - how time flies! I had my one-year post-op checkup with Dr. U on Tuesday. All my labs came back great, though my protein was on the low side of normal (I'm going to add a protein drink in the evening) and my B-12 was lower than it should be for someone taking B-12 every day, as I am. So he's going to recheck my labs in 3 months and see how things are progressing at that point. I'm seriously considering B-12 shots. I've read that Madonna is doing vitamin injections.. and look at the energy that woman has at almost 50 years old! Anyway, it's something to consider. And I'm in the 160's - yea!

The most exciting part of the week came Wednesday when Magda, the very fabulous VP of Operations at my agency, invited me to the Macy's Passport Gala event on Thursday night. It's a big fashion show to benefit HIV/AIDS charities.. this was the 25th annual Passport show. It's a big deal.. the "who's who" of San Francisco society is always there.. celebrities.. lots of beautiful people. I said, "of course, I'd love to".. and then I immediately began to panic. "What the fuck am I going to wear?" I thought. I called Chris almost in tears.. I had literally three hours after work to figure something out. He told me to relax, and that he would go with me and we would find something for me wear. He picked me up from the train and we drove directly to Nordstrom Rack. I was there about 10 minutes when I found it.. the perfect dress. A black 40's style cocktail dress by David Meister. Regularly $350, marked down to $80.
I tried it on and it fit like a dream. When I got home, I looked at the website for the event, and that's when my heart skipped a beat - Dita Von Teese was going to be performing at the event! I sat in front of the computer and started to cry. It was like a dream come true - the perfect way to celebrate the new me. Like my own personal coming out party. The next day of work went painfully slow .. I couldn't wait to get dressed and leave for the show. Finally 5 o'clock rolled around and I went into the ladies room to change. As I walked back into the office, every head turned to look at me as I walked by..and let me tell you - jaws dropped! It was the best feeling! Magda and I got our things together and let for Fort Mason, where the show was being held. We walked into the event hall for the pre-party and it was just spectacular. I was so happy to see one of my favorite local artists, Lavay Smith and her Red Hot Skillet Lickers, performing. If you've never heard Lavay Smith,you have to check her out. She does a bluesy-jazz swing kind of thing. "Everyone's Talkin' About Miss Thing" is like my theme song.. and she played it. I was grinning from ear to ear! We watched her perform for a while, then got some drinks and walked around to the booths where many of the hot restaurants in town were serving food. I couldn't eat a thing - I was too excited. Then it was time to walk over to the building where the fashion show was being held. We took our seats (really good seats!) and met up with our host from American Airlines. She was so nice - I thanked her over and over for inviting us. If only she knew how special the evening was for me. The lights went down and then the show began. It was amazing.. the music, the sets, the models and the style - just amazing. I kept thinking to myself, "none of this is out of my reach now". I can be the person on the outside that I've always been on the inside. Well, on a budget.. but you know what I mean! LOL Anyway, then it was time for the finale. The lights went down and then came up.. and there was the trademark champagne glass. And then there was Dita. She was wearing this outfit.. it looked like it was made of diamonds.. it sparkled like nothing I had seen before in my life. On either side of the catwalk, there was a girl dressed in a French Maid costume. As Dita did her seductive, playful strip-tease, she would hand each piece of clothing to one of the maids. When she got down to her corset, I was in awe of how tiny her waist is. It couldn't be more than 18 or 19 inches around! She got all the way down to a bra and panties .. and then she made her way back to the glass. She took a big bottle of champagne, popped the cork, and then slowly poured it down her beautiful body. Then she climbed into the glass, pouring the champagne and writhing around .. it was the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Magda kept looking over at me and smiling.. like she knew what I was feeling. As I sat there, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I thought of all of my friends here in the webring.. especially Dagny, and how happy they would be for me. I thought of my sweetheart Chris, who was more excited for me on that night than I was for myself. I thought of all of the toxic people that I've eliminated from my life and how much happier I am without them. And I thought of all of the wonderful people in my life now, who appreciate who I am and love me for me, inside and out. And I realized that I've become the woman that I've always wanted to be.

Yes, there are pics, but they're not great. My camera was on a weird setting and I didn't realize it until I got home.
But here's me:

And this blur is Dita von Teese:
Check this out for really good pics of the famous Champagne Dance.

Release

2007-09-13T09:49:00.001-07:00

Why do I always forget what a great stress reliever exercise is?

My work day absolutely sucked yesterday. The only thing that kept me going through the day was the thought of shutting everything out and enjoying my Pilates class. As it turned out, I had to work about 40 minutes late and I was 10 minutes late for class. But I refused to miss it.

The best part of the class was the 10 minute relaxation/cool down at the end. The instructor (I still don't remember her name!) had all of the lights turned down and she had some groovy new-agey tribal-ish music playing. She had us get into the position that you see in the pictue - but with our backs on the floor and our butts directly up against the wall. Basically like an upside-down frog. Omg - I felt every one of my vertebrae pop back into position. It actually took my breath away for a moment. We spent about 5 minutes like this and the next 5 minutes with our legs spread out into a 'V' - minds clear, just connecting to our bodies. Loved it. I left with a warm buzzing in all of my muscles and a big smile on my face.

&$%@..

2007-09-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

Bummer for the day - British Airways cancelled the Fam to London. I'm pissed. That is SO tacky. Guess how much BA I'll be selling now...

Anyway..

I'm psyched for my Pilates class tonight. I've been doing some of the stretches that I learned in my last class after each of my Curves workouts (Saturday, Monday and Tuesday so far.. I've promised myself that I will go every other day MINIMUM). My abs feel tight - it's a good feeling. I hope she works us really hard tonight. I'll have some extra negative energy to work through.. I'm sure I'll feel better after I sweat it out.

Upside down and twisted

2007-09-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

Today we went to Six Flags for my company picnic and I got to check off one of the things on my "To Do After WLS" list - I rode a rollercoaster!
We had a blast! I walked for miles and I didn't get tired AT ALL.

I HEART my Pilates class!

2007-09-06T15:48:00.000-07:00

I had a great time. There were about 12 women in the class all together - and most of them were about the same size as me.. they ranged from about a 10 to a 14, most with pudgy middles. I felt so comfortable and confident. It's great not being the biggest person in a group any longer. The instructor is this late-30s blonde hardbody.. bit on the airhead side, but nice. So the technique that we learned.. it's a lot like yoga. But with less focus on "poses" and more focus on very controlled stretches. I didn't find it difficult. Not to say that it was easy, or that I'm not sore today (cuz damn! am I ever), but I didn't struggle. I was able to do all of the moves without feeling like an elephant attempting ballet.

And - big news! I have some serious motivation to get in shape now. Yesterday I was invited by British Airways for a Fam trip to London over Thanksgiving! It's a really sought-after invitation - only 2 people in my company were asked. Business class.. 5 star hotel.. wining and dining.. and this will be my first trip to London. Can't wait! The bad news is that I'm not able to take a guest, so Chris can't go with me. He made me promise that I would go and have a fabulous time. He's really proud of me and excited for me. God, I love that man so so much.

I want to look H-O-T for my trip across the pond, so I'm going to work HARD. I promise.

Feeling like a Dummy

2007-09-04T10:23:00.000-07:00

Just added this to my Netflix queue. It's gotten pretty good reviews, so I'm hopeful. If I like it, I'll buy it. I need instruction if I'm going to be successful. I've done some browsing around on the net for ab and core workouts .. I read them and my eyes glaze over. Hopefully my Netflix account and exercise videos will provide an inexpensive option, since a trainer is out of the question right now.

I've got my workout clothes with me - I'm going to Curves after work. Doing a carb detox too - I need it. My parents were in town this weekend and they took us out to eat a few times. Scales up a few pounds this morning - it isn't pretty. I walked past a window and caught my reflection on the way to work this morning - my midsection looks like a Shar pei puppy - but not as cute. ((sigh)) I'm researching exercise classes at the local junior college and adult school too - there are options out there. I've just got to pick some and follow through.

** a quick update **

I found a Pilates class at San Lorenzo Adult School - it starts tomorrow night and runs every Wednesday night until the end of November - cost is only $25, which I can totally do. The class description says "Pilates is core conditioning. It helps to increase flexibility and to tone and strengthen muscles.".. which is EXACTLY what I need. I'm excited now and no longer feeling like a "dummy".. I guess I just needed to work through my self-deprication moment. Yea - I'll let you know how it goes!

Month eleven in the life of the future pin-up girl

2007-08-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

The last piece of the puzzle .. is exercise. And I'm struggling with it. I got totally psyched to start swimming with the Manatees and then two things happened. One - I found that my neck/shoulder injury was worse than I thought. Swimming was causing me so much pain that I could barely type at work. When I originally injured myself, I was off of work for 6 months. Can't have that again. Two - we got some bad news financially. For the last year, Chris and I have been working as the managers of our apartment complex... showing units for rent, dealing with noise complaints, that sort of thing. In exchange, we were paying $400 a month for rent. Unheard of in the Bay Area. It was really helping out while Chris is in school and only working part time. Well - the owners of our building (who we really love) decided to sell the building and the new owner will not require our services. So we're back to $900 a month for rent and struggling. So.. that means that the monthly fees for swimming are no longer in the budget. All of this brought me really down. I was feeling like a failure.. feeling a lot like I have in past when I've announced my intent to start a new diet.. and then failing with it.

I've spent time thinking about it.. working through the suckiness of the whole situation.. and now I need a solution. I do still have my Curves membership. I'm paying for it, forchristsake, might as well use the damn thing. But I know that I will need something more. I NEED to strengthen my core. The weight that I have left to lose is all around my middle (mid-tummy and back), with a little on my upper thighs. I'm still having back pain. I still slouch.. not from lack of self-esteem or anything, but from pain. Straightening my back out HURTS. I'm still taking Valium on occasion for the muscle spasms in my back. As lovely as the occasional Valium chill-out can be, I'd really like to not need them anymore.

And - in addition to all of this, my energy level still has peaks and valleys. I thought that this would have evened out by the time I was nearly a year out. I'm taking B-12 every day now. Maybe I'll need B-12 shots..?? My one year check-up is on September 18 (has it really gone by that fast?!), so Dr. U will be able to look at my bloodwork and see what the story is.

Some good news - my friend Michael's niece Josie had her WLS earlier than I had thought - she's about 2 weeks out now and doing well. Get those liquids in girlie! And - my cousin Stephanie only has 15 lbs left to lose and she'll get her approval from Kaiser - I'm so very excited for her!

If anyone has any advice about the exercise stuff, let me know. I need a serious kick in the ass.

My changing face

2007-08-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

I created this slideshow for Anne over at Body of Work. It really stuns me to see how my face has changed in just 10 1/2 months. It's still hard to look at my hospital pic.. I guess it always will be.

8 Obscure Things About Me (Thanks a lot Jen)

2007-08-10T14:42:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged and now must tell you 8 obscure things about me.

The Rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.
5. 8 is a magic number.

Ok, here goes:

1. I skipped third grade and graduated from high school a year early. A boy named Lum Dinh, who was in my second grade class, ended up skipping two grades. I was jealous of him all the way through school. I'm sure he graduated from MIT and works for NASA or something.

2. I went to the tomb of Marie Laveau and made a wish and an offering. And my wish came true!

3. I was caught shoplifting when I was 13 years old, at a local drugstore. They called my parents and I got into BIG trouble. I felt very ashamed about it until the first time I heard "Shoplifters of the World" by Morrissey. Then I thought it gave me mod/goth credibility.

4. I like mayonnaise on my spaghetti.

5. I MUST sleep closest to the window in any room. Doesn't matter what side of the bed it's on.

6. On my Mom's side of the family, the girls were named after their fathers. Paul and Paulette - Steve and Stephanie - Andrew and Andrea - Dan and Danyele

7. When I was in elementary school, I would go to my babysitter's house after school. They were a crazy Portuguese family and I was very close to them. The father, Manuel, made homemade wine in his backyard and stored it in big wooden barrels. The son, Junior, and I would sneak into the back, drink the wine and kiss. I think I was 7 and he was 9.

8. I can rap all of the words to "Paul Revere" by the Beastie Boys.

So - since most of the ladies in the webring have already been tagged, I'm just going to tag three friends... mi amigas Mamacita Chilena, Katrina, and SignGurl. Have fun!

My first WLS complication

2007-08-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

I ended up in the ER on Saturday night, with what ended up being a kidney stone. It all started around 6 o'clock, just as we were entering the movies to see the "Simpson's Movie". Within 10 minutes I was in so much pain that I had to ask Chris to take me home. At this point, I really though I just had some bad gas. I got home, jumped in the tub to try to calm down and waited. The pain just got worse. Chris called Dr. U - he recommended that I not wait more than an hour to get to the hospital. I decided that I would wait a bit in hopes that I would feel better. I never did - the pain centralized to my right abdomen and it started to throb. We called Dr. U back and had him call the ER to tell them that I was coming. I hobbled down the stairs and fell into the car - I was in so much pain. That was a really awful car ride. When I got to the ER, they got an IV started, took a blood sample, and then FINALLY gave me some pain relief. They started with morphine, which didn't help much. So then they went to dilaudid. Better.. much better. I had to drink 2 cups full of juice, water, and a contrast liquid to get me ready for a CT scan. The CT scan found the kidney stone. We were so relieved that it wasn't anything intestinal. They basically told me that I would have to pass the stone, and that I would feel instantly better. So I was sent home with lots of drugs, told to keep the liquids coming, and to come back if nothing had happened in 48 hours. Thankfully it didn't take that long. I finally passed the thing around 2pm on Sunday. So - I'm fine. I'm going to have to do some research about this, because I definitely don't want to go through this again.

Tell me something good!

2007-08-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting 24 hours - lots of news, good and bad. I like to keep positive, so we'll start with the good stuff! Thankfully my two friends in St. Paul, MN, Katrina and Susan, were unaffected by the horrible bridge collapse and are safe and sound. Our friend Aaron has made it though his second round of chemo and his load count has dropped from around 260 down to around 89, which means his tumor is shrinking. My friend Michael's niece Josie in New York has been approved for WLS - her surgery date is September 26, I believe. Michael tells me that Josie has been reading BTPUG - say hello Josie! My cousin Stephanie is in the approval process with Kaiser - she has to lose the 10% before surgery. I know she can do it! (Steph, I'll be right there by your side on your big day, ok? Can't wait to celebrate that approval with you). And today is my 2 1/2 year anniversary with Chris. He surprised me with a beautiful brass and enamel business card holder with a Fleur de Lis design. I was admiring it in a shop this weekend and he went back and got it for me. He's so good to me, in every way. I'm so lucky to have met him and to share my life with him.

So, okay - the not so good stuff: Aaron's son Tyler isn't doing well at all. I've linked his support page on the left there. His mom Ivy could use some kind words, so if you're so inclined, stop by. My dad has had another patch of bad luck and I'm hoping that everything turns out all right. I'm concerned that he's not sharing things about his health. And - I've had to delay joining the Manatees swim league for a couple of weeks - I've had some unexpected expenses so I won't have the money for the membership until my next pay period.

I'd really love to hear some more good news - would you mind sharing some? It can be WLS-related if you like, but it doesn't have to be. It can be anything that is brightening your day. Thank you!

Is anyone else pissed off..

2007-07-31T09:28:00.000-07:00

that it took Star Jones three years to admit that she had had WLS? Or does anyone else care? Read the article here. I'm primarily angry because she had all that time, in front of literally MILLIONS of women, to discuss the issue of morbid obesity in an open forum and she chose not to. She subjected those poor women to all the details of her bullshit wedding, but couldn't talk about one of the BIGGEST HEALTH CRISES that our nation has ever seen? It pisses me off that obesity is still seen as a personality flaw.. something to feel shame over. The only shame she should feel is in failing to use the power of the media to help others suffering the way that she suffered.

Month ten in the life of the future pin-up girl

2007-07-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

Let me just start with the good stuff - I am no longer obese (my BMI is now in the 20s), I've broken the 170s, and I'm in size 10 jeans!!! I'm noticing a big difference in my jawline and my profile - I keep finding myself staring in mirrors, in awe of the changes in my body and my face.

I never would have wanted to admit this, but I really think that my career has gotten a big boost since my WLS. A lot of this is due to my feeling my comfortable with myself, in my own skin. I feel more confident when I'm speaking to my clients, vendors and my boss. I recently went to a cocktail party that my clients invited me to. It was a "Sushi and Sake" themed party, and I looked the part, down to the wrap dress that I wore in a gorgeous Asian leaf print, my red lipstick and the smile on my face. I finally felt like I belonged in a crowded room, and that people would WANT to meet me and talk to me. It was great - I got to meet a lot of the clients that I book travel for, but had never had the opportunity to meet face-to-face. Our account is growing by leaps and bounds and I'm being given more responsibility along with their growth. I book travel for an investment banking firm. In the 15 months that I've been dedicated to this account, their workforce has doubled in size and they've opened 6 new offices. It was becoming too much for me to handle on my own, so my agency hired a new agent who is now working with me. His name is Michael and he's fabulous. We've become fast friends. We both love cooking and fresh food - he brings me homemade hummus and roasted seeds and nuts - and I've taken him peaches and tomatoes and Thai chicken salad. And thankfully we work well together, which is the best part. My responsibilities have changed too.. I'm no longer just booking travel - I'm now working in more of an account manager role.. advising my clients how to maximize their savings and working with their vendors to resolve customer service issues. It's a little stressful at times, but I enjoy it. My boss, our COO, asked me recently if I would consider becoming an account manager. I don't know if that's the direction that I want to go in, but I was honored to be asked. Who knows? It might turn out to be a good avenue for me.

I have no title for this post

2007-07-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try to keep this one short because I'm having a lot of trouble focusing today. My mind is in 100 different places right now. More about that later..

I went for my first session on Saturday morning. It was wonderful to be back in the pool. I felt so nervous.. it was a lot like showing up for the first day at a new school. I met Brian and another really great coach named Andy. They gave me my own lane (which took a lot of the pressure off) and told me to just warm up a little. So I did a few laps, which was harder than I thought it would be. Then Andy brought me some swimfins. I did a few more laps and found that my left shoulder (the injured one) kept locking up. So Andy showed me how to lengthen my stroke and that helped a lot. I only ended up swimming for about 40 minutes, but that was all I could do. I was breathing really hard and felt a little dizzy. This is definitely something that I will have to work up to. I've decided that I'm going to keep doing morning sessions instead of afternoons. That means getting up at 5:30am to be to the pool at 6:00am. I'll swim for an hour, go home to get ready for work, get the train and be to work by 9:00am. Sounds doable, right? I decided on mornings because there are twice as many lanes open then and I should be able to have a lane to myself most days. Now I just have to stay motivated and get out there!

So.. the reason that I'm feeling so scattered .. Chris' good friend Aaron and his wife Ivy are going through a terribly difficult time right now. Their 4 year old son Tyler has been fighting cancer for a year and a half.. and they've just been told that he is terminal. They basically have to decide between stopping the chemo now and letting nature take its course.. he may only have a few more weeks.. or continuing chemo to give him a few more months to possibly a year. As it turns out, Aaron is also fighting cancer himself for the second time in his life. He's only 36. This is more tragedy than any family should have to face. Chris and I are just sick over it.. we want so badly to help in some way, but what can we really do except let them know that we're here for them?

I'm having a hard time emotionally lately. For all of the wonderful, joyous things in my life, there seems to be so much sadness too and it's hard for me to process. In fact, at the time that I got the email about Tyler, I also got an email from my friend Katrina's husband Steve with pics of their new baby Loren, who was born Friday morning. After our friend Lloyd being murdered recently, and Chris' uncle being murdered not long ago (I don't think I had even posted about that).. I'm just trying to make sense of - well, everything. Emotions are more difficult for me to deal with now.. I don't have anything to dull them with. Last night, I tried to comfort myself with a homemade quesadilla with guacamole and sour cream. Tasted great and made me feel good.. until I got terribly sick and ended up in bed. I lied there and cried because I knew better.. I knew that food wouldn't make Tyler's cancer go away or bring Lloyd back, or take away my sadness. It just made me ill and made me feel stupid and guilty.

This is it!

2007-07-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

This is where I'll be swimming - the pool at Mills College in Oakland. I went this evening and met with Colleen, one of the evening coaches. I'll be swimming with both her and Brian on Saturday morning - bright and early at 7am (eek!). I'll give you a full report after my first session - wish me luck!

Taking the plunge

2007-07-09T13:53:00.001-07:00

I finally got up the nerve to contact one of the coaches of the Manatees - a masters swim league in Oakland. If you've been reading BTPUG for awhile, then you know that my #1 post-op goal is to begin masters level swimming. Back when I wrote this post, it all seemed like such a big, scary, far-off thing.. but now here I am. I'm finally back to the size I was when I started competing in high school (and about 15-20 lbs smaller than when I stopped competing). I've been working out for a while.. and I feel good. I still have trouble with the range of motion in my left arm and shoulder, but I think with good coaching, I could regain it. So last night, I felt ready. I sent them an email asking a few questions.. and today I got a call from a super nice guy named Brian. I started out by telling him my history.. about the WLS, about my injuries, about my hesitation. He immediately put my mind at ease. He said that the coaching staff is happy to work with anyone who wants to swim.. anyone who really loves it and is willing to commit to making it a part of their lives. He's worked with cardiac patients who are rehabilitating, plenty of people working toward weight loss, and even some people dealing with psychiatric issues that are looking for a positive outlet for stress and emotions. I wanted to reach through the phone and hug the guy. This is it - this is what I need.. what I really really want. (I'm trying so hard not to start crying right now.. I'm at work) My mind keeps rolling back to memories of being immersed in water.. feeling totally connected to my body .. shutting out all of the negative thoughts in my mind and just gliding along. I can't wait to have that back in my life.

So - the plan. Brian recommended that I come by one night this week to check out the facility and meet a few of the other swimmers and one of the evening coaches (there are 3 or 4 of them, from what I understand). If I like what I see, he wants me to come back on Saturday morning when he will be coaching and do my first session. I can't wait!!!

Under the weather

2007-07-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

Been feeling lousy for a few days now. It started out with a sore throat on Monday ..then I started to lose my voice. By Wednesday I had a fever and chills (Happy 4th of July, btw). Thankfully BBCAmerica knew that I would be on the couch most of the day, so they aired all 5 Eddie Izzard one-man shows for me.

You'd think that eating so little over the last 3 days would have helped in moving the scale .. sadly, no. Scale is stuck again. (sigh)

"Cause I'm a Blonde.. yeah yeah yeah"

2007-06-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

.. in my best Miss Julie Brown voice. (If you've never seen "Earth Girls Are Easy".. you must!)

So here are the pics of the new 'do. The first one is me and the fabulous Colleen. I had a late appt on Wednesday night after work. It was great because we were the only ones in the salon (along with Chris and Colleen's sister-in-law) and we had lots of time to chat about life post-WLS while my hair was processing. Colleen's 3 years out .. she shared with me that she still has food issues and body-image issues, and that it's still easy to make a miscalculation about food (and get sick) even after 3 years. Although I have the wonderful support of my Sassy Fatty Sisters out on the 'net, there's nothing like having someone in the flesh to talk to about this stuff.

Here are some pics that I took today after styling the 'do. I want to go bigger! I think I need more product.. LOL

It's All About the Benjamins, Baby..

2007-06-25T11:03:00.000-07:00

.. in the immortal words of Puff Daddy and Lil Kim..

So I've lost 101 lbs since surgery and 125 from my highest weight. It's a really cool feeling, and yet those numbers make me cringe a little. "You've lost HOW much weight?''.. as in "You were HOW fat?" I've had a lot of questions recently about how much more I want to lose. When I say about 40 lbs, I get the "oh no.. that's way too much" reaction. But I don't think it is. I think the problem is that noone has ever seen me that thin.. they've hardly gotten used to me at this size and the thought of me being smaller is somehow disconcerting. For example, yesterday I went to my niece Sierra's 7th birthday party and saw lots of friends and family. My sister's best friend gave me lots of compliments and asked what size I was wearing now. When I told her that I was starting to wear a 12, the expression on her face changed. "Oh.. that's what I wear." And? Is it somehow threatening that the former fat girl is the same size as you.. and will be getting smaller? I just don't know what to say in situations like that. I can take a compliment just fine.. I've learned to smile and say thank you and mean it. But I just don't want to discuss my body with people anymore. I just want people to see the new me and adjust.. like I'm adjusting.

To blonde or not to blonde

2007-06-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

I have an appt with Colleen, my lovely post-op hairstylist, next Wednesday.. I'm so excited! I love getting my hair done.. it's like a chance to change identities. In the past year, I've been a dark brunette, a redhead, and a strawberry-blonde. And now - I want to go full-on glamarama blonde! Colleen wants to style me after Kelly Carlson (Kimber of Nip/Tuck). She's so gorgeous and I love her hair. Here are a few pics of Kelly - what do you think?

Month nine in the life of the future pin-up girl

2007-06-18T20:39:00.000-07:00

Wow - we have 18 members in our webring now! That's so exciting! My blog turned a year old back on June 2 - I can hardly believe it's been a year now. My life is just so amazingly different.

The scale isn't budging for me right now - but I'm in shrink mode again. This happens every 6 weeks or so .. the scale will bounce around.. 2 lbs back and forth.. and then I end up losing a pants size. This weekend I went shopping (finally!) and I bought SIZE 12 JEANS!!! I came out of the dressing room at the Gap grinning like a fool.. it was great! And - I've lost a shoe size too. I bought a new pair of Adidas running shoes in a 9 - I've always worn a 10. I also bought a matching workout outfit to match the shoes. Chris bought new basketball gear and a really cool white Nike ball - we're going to start playing at the courts around the corner from our apartment. I know nothing about basketball but it'll just be fun running around with him and spending time together.

I've noticed something interesting lately. I don't recognize my reflection in windows or mirrors when I'm out in public. I sometimes walk by a door or window and have to do a double-take because I'm thinking "that can't possibly be me". I remember reading Dagny's blog, when she would talk about this phenomenon, and I would think "no way - how could you not recognize yourself? The weight doesn't come of THAT fast." Well, you know what? It does. I've lost 98 lbs in 9 months. And that's a slow loss, compared to some other WLS'ers. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it.

A little change of plans

2007-06-11T12:12:00.001-07:00

Well, I didn't make it out to Minneapolis. I'm going to reschedule some time after Katrina's baby (who I understand will be named Loren Alexander!) arrives. There was just too much going on out here for me to leave the state and feel good about it.

So - I decided to stay home. It turned out to be a good decision for me - I needed some time to chill and de-stress after everything that happened last week. Saturday morning I got up early and went to Curves. Then I came home and did all of the laundry and housecleaning that I had been procrastinating about. Oh - and I went for a manicure and pedicure too! Saturday evening, Chris' classmate Josephine, who he's tutoring, came over. It's always exciting when Jossy comes over. She's been deaf since birth and since neither of us sign, it's kinda like a long evening of Charades - there's a lot of smiling, pointing and note-writing. Jossy has been teaching Chris some sign language... he's getting better and better at it. It's very sweet the way that he's befriended Jossy. They met in the bookstore, where Chris works. And he had been noticing that a lot of the other students didn't attempt to talk to her, just because of her disability. So they got to know each other and have become good friends. I'm so lucky to have such a good-hearted man in my life!

Sunday I really just chilled. I watched the NBA finals. We barbecued. He worked on his project and I read. It was nice. I slept peacefully and woke up refreshed and ready to tackle this week. Tonight I'm headed to Curves again.. ready to keep working hard and get to that next Big Milestone!

Healing slowly

2007-06-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all of the kind words and comments to my last post. I'm slowly beginning to process everything that happened last weekend. I found myself falling into depression and I kept having feelings of panic and worry for my friends and family, bordering on paranoia. It wasn't healthy for me at all and I know that Lloyd wouldn't want us all to live our lives in fear, so I'm trying really hard to get back into a positive mind space. I'm flying out to Minneapolis on Saturday to see my friend Katrina, the little prego-mama who is about to pop any day now! It will be really good to get away for a few days and immerse myself in all of the happiness going on around Katrina and her husband Steve.

I thought I'd share a couple of yummy hot-weather recipes that I found yesterday, courtesy of Hungry Girl - enjoy and I'll chat with you all when I get back from Minneapolis!

Tropical Treat Sorbet

(entire recipe: approx. 115 calories, <0.5g>

So simple...so cool...soooo delicious!

Ingredients:2 servings Crystal Light Sunrise Classic Orange drink mix (1 On The Go packet or 1/4 of an 8-serving tub); 1 cup mango chunks (fresh or frozen)

Directions:

Dissolve Crystal Light into a just FOUR ounces (a half-cup) of cold water; stir well. If using frozen mango, run under cool water for several minutes to thaw, so it blends more easily. In a blender, puree mango and Crystal Light mixture until just blended. Pour into a dish, cover, and place in freezer until nearly solid (several hours). If freezing overnight, thaw slightly by microwaving for 40 seconds or allowing it to sit out for about 10 minutes before enjoying.

Strawberry Lemonade Fruit Slushie!

(entire Slushie: 40 calories, 0g fat, 31mg sodium, 9g carbs, 1.5g fiber, 4g sugars, 0.5g protein = 1 Point)

A refreshing and fruity icy treat for YOU!

Ingredients: 2 tbsp. lemon juice 1/2 cup whole strawberries (with stems removed) 4 oz. water 2 oz. Torani Sugar Free Strawberry Syrup 1 cup ice cubes 2 packets Splenda

Directions:

Place all ingredients in a blender and blend on the highest speed for one minute. Pour and enjoy! Serves 1.

Heartbroken

2007-06-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

I usually try to keep this blog positive and upbeat but today I need to share something with you that is tragic and sad. Last night my Dad's best friend was shot and killed in a home invasion robbery. Just by chance, I happened to be in town visiting the family. I was with my Dad when we went to the crime scene... I was with him as we were escorted to the Sheriff's Office so that he could make a statement and find out what had happened.. and I was by his side at the hospital when they finally told us that Lloyd had died. Lloyd was such a beautiful soul - the kind of guy that would give you the shirt right off of his back. A big teddy-bear kind of a guy with a really kind heart. He and my Dad met at a time in their lives when they both needed a friend - they were both diabetics, trying to hold onto their health.. making the best of lives that have been filled with pleasures and disappointments. They both had shiny new Harleys that they would ride around together, despite the aches and pains.. popping in to see children and grandchildren and friends. Two aging Easy Riders enjoying the feeling of freedom and the wind on their faces. My heart just aches knowing that some motherfucker stole Lloyd away from us, not thinking about how much he meant to those of us that loved him.

I hope you're on one hell of a fantastic ride now, Big Guy. We're really going to miss you.

Month eight in the life of the future pin-up girl

2007-05-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

I'm really looking forward to spending my first summer NOT being morbidly obese! According to the BMI calculator, I'm still 20 lbs away from being "just overweight", but this is the smallest that I've been in my adult life, so it's a big deal to me.

I broke down and brought my scale upstairs so that I can weigh myself every day. I get such a kick out of getting on it and seeing a number that starts with a "1".. anytime of day! I think I need to keep weighing every day to stay motivated. Although I'm very happy with what I've accomplished, I know that I can achieve my final goal. And, I know that it's going to take a lot of work, with my PCOS and very slow metabolism, but it's not out of my reach. The way I see it - I need to lose 40 lbs in the next 4 months, which would be my one year surgiversary. 10 lbs a month is completely do-able. It's easy to measure too. So that's the new goal, folks. Stay tuned!

This is just too cool...

2007-05-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

Pin-Ups for Pups

Hola de Guadalajara!!

2007-05-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a whirlwind weekend in Guadalajara, Mexico. It was a "fam trip", or familiarization trip - basically a travel agency is invited by an airline, hotel, and/or tour company to travel to a location, learn about and hopefully go back and sell it. We were invited by Aeromexico and the Presidente Intercontinental Hotel. I had an absolute blast!

We flew out Friday night after work and landed in Guadalajara around 5:30am. We had just enough time to check into our rooms, change and then head downstairs for breakfast with our hosts before leaving for our day of sightseeing. We were driven about an hour out of the city to the town of Tequila - any guesses as to what's made there?? The drive was really beautiful.. there were fields of agave (the main ingredient in tequila) for as far as the eye could see. In Tequila we toured the Jose Cuervo distillery and had a private tasting of their "Reserva de la Familia", or Family Reserve. It's such a fine tequila that you sip it like brandy. I was a little worried about getting sick so I sipped very very slowly. After the tour we wandered around the Hacienda, visited the gift shop and their small art gallery and then walked into the town square to see the cathedral. From Tequila, we drove back to Guadalajara for a city tour. Unfortunately our time for the city tour was cut short because we were behind schedule. It's a really beautiful city with a rich history... wish we could have seen more. One of the highlights of the tour was seeing a mural by one of the four famous Mexican muralists, José Clemente Orozco. Last year I studied another famous Mexican muralist, Diego Rivera. Now I'm anxious to study Orozco and his work. I wish that Chris could have been with me.. it turns out that he's a big fan of Orozco. Our next stop was the artisan's village of Tlaquepaque where we had lunch and did some shopping. We went to a beautiful place called Casa Fuerte - it had a big patio area with a quartet playing Cuban and Mexican music. The food was so delicious - there was an appetizer of Oaxacan cheese in a tomatillo sauce that's baked in a big stone pestle. It comes to the table sizzling - it's so dramatic when it's served! I had chicken in mole sauce.. it was so yummy! After Tlaquepaque, we had a couple of hours back at the hotel to shower and nap. Then we went out on the town for dinner. The restaurant, Santo Coyote, was like nothing I had seen before. It's all outdoors with lush green trees all around with these beautiful handmade lanterns hanging from the trees, and there were mariachis strolling around. It was breathtaking. The food was incredibly fresh and delicious.. I had never had gourmet Mexican food like this. Our server made salsa at our table with a big marble mortar and pestle. I had grilled shrimp that were butterflied and then intertwined into a crescent shape and served on strips of roasted ancho chilies and served with a pumpkin flower sauce. The best part is it was 100% WLS friendly and very nutritious. After dinner, my friends German and Marian and I jumped in a cab and went looking for a club to go dancing but the 3 places that we went to were already packed and had lines out the door. We decided to go back to the hotel for a drink and then went to bed. The next morning we were served breakfast in the Presidential Suite, which had a balcony with a view of the mountains. I didn't want the weekend to end. After breakfast we checked out of the hotel and headed to the airport.

As I was walking out of the San Francisco airport toward the BART train to go home, it dawned on me - yet again - how much my life has changed. I had slept maybe 5 hours in a 48 hour period, and had been on a nonstop schedule of sightseeing with LOTS of walking - and I wasn't tired. Before WLS I would have been exhausted and probably pretty miserable trying to keep up with the rest of the group. Traveling is so much more enjoyable now. Traveling is one of the biggest pleasures of my life and now it's even better. I can hardly believe that my life is this good.

And here are the pics!

In Tequila, outside the Hacienda

In the Reserve Cellar at Jose Cuervo

Los Muertos - in the gallery at Jose Cuervo

Fountain in the city square - Guadalajara

Our host Carlos and me at Casa Fuerte

The group outside of Santo Coyote

Strolling mariachis at Santo Coyote

Marian and me at Santo Coyote

Thank you and Goodbye

2007-05-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

I finally got rid of my entire fat wardrobe last weekend. It took me a whole afternoon to organize, fold and say goodbye to 3 huge boxes of clothes. They all went to my new friend Jane who will be having WLS very soon. She said that the clothes were a big motivation for her - I hope that they are and that she enjoys them and then passes them on to another new post-op. As I was going through everything, I started to figure in my head the amount of money that I (and my mother) had spent in Lane Bryant. Thousands of dollars.. I wish I would have bought stock in Charming Shoppes (their parent company). I'm thankful to LB, because they helped me to dress stylishly for the 10+ years that I was in plus sizes. As those were my late teens and all of my twenties, I'm especially thankful. I guess it could be said that catering to a market of overweight/obese women does nothing to encourage them to be healthy, and possibly could be seen to condone obesity or make it seem acceptable. I guess I'm torn on the subject. All I know now is that I no longer need LB. I've unsubscribed from their emails (and every other plus size website) - and I'll no longer be shopping in their stores. I can finally seek out the vintage stores and fabulous boutiques that I've dreamed of shopping in. So goodbye LB.. and thank you.

The Pin-Up Girl in ONE-derland

2007-04-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

* 198 * You had to know that I couldn't stay off of the scale.. LOL! Whew - I finally made it. I'm excited and really relieved. I don't know why I stil feel self-doubt when it comes to weightloss. I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to, so why do I sometimes think "That's it - I'm going to start gaining now - I just know it" I guess it's hard to fight years of feeling defeated when it came to my weight. It meant a lot to me to get under 200 - I haven't been here since I was a sophomore in high school. Now I feel like my goal weight is achievable. Why did I not see that at 204? I have no idea.

I had an interesting conversation with my coworker Liz yesterday. We were talking about clothes and she mentioned that I needed to get new jeans because the ones I was wearing were too big on me. I told her "yeah, these are 16s" and I pulled them away from my waist (yes, I have one now!) and they were several inches too big. I told her "I could get some 14s but I just haven't wanted to spend the money". And she said "wow - 14 is a totally normal size". I had to laugh - I guess I'm "normal" now. Who woulda thunk it?

Better budgeting through WLS.. Does Suze Orman know about this?

2007-04-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

I love a good salad bar and my favorite by far is the Wildflower Cafe, which is conveniently located 2 blocks from my office. They sell their stuff by the pound.. $5.99 per pound to be exact. I remember times pre-op where I easily spent over $10 for lunch.. and was starving and unsatisfied by 2pm. Today I made myself a salad of greens, grape tomatoes, red pepper rings, hard-boiled egg, kidney beans with sliced roasted turkey on top, along with a slice of the cold vegetable omelet.. got out of there for $5.20. I ate half (and I'm so full!) and I'll have the other half tomorrow. I have never spent $2.60 on a meal that left me satisfied .. and certainly not one that had nutritious value. Good thing I'm saving money on food because I need the money for new clothes.. everything I own is hanging off of my body!

Lovely

2007-04-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

It's a *gorgeous* day in the City! I took a walk at lunchtime over to the Farmer's Market at the Ferry Building. There were some fantastic vendors of organic produce from all over Northern Cali. I bought the most delicious strawberries from Watsonville - they tasted like honey, they were so sweet. I bought dried white nectarines and dried kiwi fruit.. so unusual and so yummy! I also bought almonds and pistachios.. the vendors were from Ripon, which is out by my Mom in the Central Valley. I've become quite a connoisseur of locally-grown produce lately - I've been researching and seeking out the best (and cheapest!) produce markets and farmer's markets in my area. Chris told me the other night that he eats more fresh veggies and fruit now than he ever has in his life - that made me so happy! WLS has awakened my love of cooking and food.. healthy, beautiful, colorful, fragrant, nutritious food!

On the road to ONE-derland * Week Eight *

2007-04-22T08:10:00.001-07:00

* 204 * Yep, I'm stalled. And I'm more frustrated about it than I thought I would be. So I'm taking another 2 weeks off from the scale.. hopefully I'll see some movement by then.

The good news? I just bought size 14 pants.. and that's not a women's size 14 .. that's a regular misses size 14.

Hoppy Easter!

2007-04-08T16:21:00.001-07:00

I made these as a special treat this morning - they were so yummy! They taste like an apple cheese danish.. mmm. I had a little butter and sugar-free maple syrup on mine.. Chris liked his with honey. Enjoy!

Ricotta Apple Pancakes

recipe courtesy of www.bariatriceating.com

Per Serving: 94 Cal, 7 g Protein; 5 g Tot Fat; 4 g Carb; 0 g Fiber; 2 g Sugar; 119 mg Sodium

3 eggs, separated
1 whole egg
1 cup Ricotta
1/2 teaspoon Vanilla
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon Apple Pie Spice OR Cinnamon
1 Tablespoon Splenda
1/4 cup flour
1 cup grated apple

Beat 3 egg whites until stiff; set aside. Combine remaining ingredients just until blended. Fold in egg whites. Spray skillet with non stick spray and heat over medium-low. Drop batter by tablespoonfuls into hot skillet and cook until golden brown, turning once. Serves 8 - three pancakes per serving.

On the road to ONE-derland Week Six

2007-04-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

* 204 * Shel is going to kick my ass and beat me to ONE-derland - I just know it!

Keep on keepin' on..

Just rambling

2007-04-04T14:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all! Nothing major to report today - just lots of little things that are adding up in my brain. Let's see.. first, my step-sister Barbara, my nephew Nick and their German foreign exchange student Stephanie are all in SF for a few days, visiting from Coeur d'Alene, ID. I'm meeting up with them after work today. I haven't seen Barb in about 2 years, so I'm expecting that she'll do the "omg.. look at you!" freakout that I seem to be getting pretty frequently now. I have to admit that, as embarrassing as it can be, it's still really awesome to get the reaction. The last one I got was from my neighbors that live upstairs. We have different schedules than they do, so we don't see each other that often. The wife, Tammy, asked me "what are you doing?". I had kind of assumed that everyone in the building knew about my WLS.. mostly because our former manager was nosey and liked to gossip. Ok.. second, I'm pretty bummed because Chris' school/work schedule will have him coming home after 10pm Monday thru Thursday. So I'm going to have a lot of evenings by myself. The good news is that he'll have Friday thru Sunday off, so we can do more on the weekend. It's a good trade off - I'm just going to have to entertain myself during the weeknights. Third, I have officially shrunk out of all of my pants. I had to put the only two pairs of slacks that I had in the donate box that's going to Jane. I have a handful of skirts that still fit, so I've been wearing them. It makes me feel really girly to wear skirts and heels, so maybe I'll just buy one pair of slacks. And one pair of jeans maybe. We'll see. Fourth, I have discovered that I am a dumper. I never really posted about this before, but I've had a couple of accidental dumping incidents lately so it's been on my mind. The first one I ever had was on my birthday in February. I stopped at Starbucks on the way to work and ordered my usual sugar-free vanilla latte. I sucked it down, not noticing that they had given me a full-sugar vanilla latte. I still can't believe that I didn't taste the difference. Anyway, by the time I got to work I was sweating, shaking, dizzy, nauseous and I generally felt like I was going to die. Happy birthday to me. I turned right around and went home, hoping that I wouldn't hurl on the train. My latest incident was this weekend at my friend J's place. He ordered Chinese and I ate a few things that I didn't think contained sugar, or much anyway. Boy was I wrong. Within minutes my heart felt like it would beat out of my chest and I was pouring sweat. I sat on the couch and Chris held me until I stopped dumping. When it was over, I was completely exhausted and I had to lie down. We ended up crashing at J's place because I just couldn't get up. I'm definitely thankful to know that my "tool" works - many people aren't so lucky and they get way too liberal with sugar and end up gaining. But I will say that dumping completely fucking sucks and I will be even more careful than I have been about hidden sugars. Fifth, I'm realizing how much more I laugh and smile than I did before my surgery. Life is just so good - I have so much to be thankful for. I can't help but try to share my happiness with the world. Ok - I think that I've rambled enough for now. I'm headed to pick up my sweetie from the BART station. Good night!

On the road to ONE-derland * Week Five *

2007-03-31T07:24:00.000-07:00

* 205 * I can hardly believe it. I'm so close!

I have a full weekend coming up - should be fun. We're going to the batting cages this morning with my friends Chris and Ivan. My Chris is totally psyched because he played baseball in high school. These batting cages are here in San Leandro, out by the marina. I had no idea they were even out there until yesterday - something tells me we'll be out there often. After the cages, we're supposed to go for sushi - mmmm.. sashimi.. yum. Then Chris and I are driving into the City to go see my friend J and spend some time with him. He's been spending way too much time alone, since this breakup. Tomorrow it's all about watching sports - my Detroit Pistons are playing in the morning (go Chauncey! - go Rasheed! - go Tayshaun! - go Rip!), and then - in the afternoon - WRESTLEMANIA! I'm really not kidding - we're going to order Wrestlemania on pay-per-view.. lol. It's a tradition now - this will be our third Wrestlemania anniversary. The first year we were dating.. I guess we had been seing each other for about 2 months .. Chris' friends Darren and Angie invited us over to watch it and they had a little party. It ended up being really fun. I get into the high-drama, soap opera quality to it. Then last year when it came around, Chris was feeling really homesick for LA .. we had only been in our apartment for a few months.. so I ordered it to cheer him up. We ended up having a lot of fun that day, just goofing off together and getting into it. So this is year three! Have a great weekend--

A friend from my past

2007-03-30T09:46:00.000-07:00

My brother's ex-girlfriend Ana found me on Myspace a couple of days ago. I haven't spoken to her in a couple of years, though I had heard she was now married and had a baby. Well, she's actually had two little boys - then she had WLS and lost 120 lbs. She had been in touch with my sister Kelly, and Kelly told her that I had had the surgery too. So Ana wrote me to say hi and to catch up - and to tell me that she's having plastics - today! I didn't get to ask exactly what she was having done, or where she's having it done, but I'm really curious. I'm sure I'll get the full scoop once she's home. Ana is a beautiful girl already (her pics on Myspace are just gorgeous) - she is going to be a total fucking hottie after her plastics. Good luck today girlie - I'll be thinking about you.

Month six in the life of the future pin-up girl

2007-03-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my six month followup appt with Dr. U. The appointment went well - Dr. U's very happy with my progress - all of my labs came back great, my blood pressure was perfect, and he thinks I'm right on target with my weightloss. (I weighed in at 208 at his office - yea!) The most important part of the journey has been accomplished for the most part - I'm healthy!

I always look forward to my visits to Dr. U - he's like a rock star in my eyes. I have so much appreciation for him and what he has chosen for his life's work. As I sat in the waiting room, waiting to be seen (and it was a long wait - almost an hour), I noticed the other patients and thought about how this surgery would impact and improve their lives. There was a very pretty lady in her early 40s who I would say weighed between 350 and 400 - the edema in her legs was so bad that she was walking with a cane. I thought about how wonderful it will be for her when she can walk comfortably, unaided.. when her body doesn't feel like a burden any more. I noticed a couple that came in - the man had to be between 600 and 700 lbs. I was amazed that he was able to make into the office - I'm sure it hadn't been easy for him. His wife was around 300 lbs. After they checked in with Dr. U's receptionist at the desk, they looked a little frazzled as they decided on a place to sit. The office has a long bench in the room, that can accommodate very large patients that can't fit into the chairs. The man sat on the bench .. and though it's a long bench, there wasn't enough room left for his wife, so she squeezed into a chair. I caught the man's gaze and smiled politely and then looked down at my magazine. I thought about how sad their life together must be. It was obvious that simply because of their girth, physical intimacy must be nearly impossible. And I'm not talking about sex - I'm talking about a hug, or a cuddle - the things that make you feel really connected to your partner. I thought about how much energy and time during the day must be spent trying to get through life - driving a car, working a job, possibly raising children.. the day-to-day stuff. How do they do it? And how miserable has it become? Thankfully for them and for me - there is hope.. there's an answer. I can only imagine how frightening that answer must be for that gentleman and his wife - he will be a very high-risk patient. He could lose his life in the pursuit of a new life. But how fortunate we all are to have the chance.

I was called in not long after that couple came in.. I visited with Helen and DeAngela, who both gave me lots of compliments and congratulations on the progress that I've made so far. I felt like I should have tipped them! Then I saw my friend, Dr. U. I thanked him for all that he has done for me. I didn't put into words what I really wanted to say. I'll try to get the words together on my next visit - when my one-year anniversary rolls around in September. As I was leaving the office, I stopped and told the man in the waiting room that he was going to love Dr. U. He gave me a shy smile and said "Oh good". I said "Good luck" and went on my way. He's in good hands.

On the road to ONE-derland * Week Four *

2007-03-24T09:41:00.000-07:00

* 209 * Wooo-hooo! I've now lost 100 lbs from my highest pre-surgery weight and 77 lbs from my surgery weight. And I'm only 10 lbs away from ONE-derland - how cool is that?!?

Feeling better

2007-03-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

I really think I've been fighting a virus or something because I feel 1000% better today. I slept for 12 hours last night - crashed out around 6:30pm and slept the whole night. This morning I woke up feeling great - lots of energy.. though not much of an appetite, which I'm not going to complain about. I guess the silver lining is that I might see a good loss on the scale tomorrow morning. I went to the lab this morning and had all of the blood drawn for my appt. on Tuesday. I guess Dr. U will be able to see if anything is off.

Blah

2007-03-22T12:58:00.000-07:00

I feel lousy. I've been sick to my stomach off and on since the weekend - haven't been able to eat much. I dry-heaved after drinking about 1/3 of my morning protein yesterday. I stayed in bed all day Tuesday and Wednesday because I was just exhausted. I tried to stay hydrated but I know I didn't drink enough. I'm here at work today but I wish I wasn't. Tried to eat 1/4 cup of lentil soup - now I'm nauseated. This sucks. I hope it's just a virus. I'm having my bloodwork done this afternoon before my 6 month checkup on Tuesday. I hope everything is ok.

Harmony Healthy Foods

2007-03-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

I found the coolest store for high-protein and low-carb/sugar-free products! It's called Harmony Healthy Foods and they're located in San Ramon, CA. They carry lots of wonderful stuff, including AchievOne protein drinks. I've been reading about how wonderful AO is for a year now, but there was NO WAY I was going to pay the shipping prices to have a case delivered. Well - now I don't have to! I bought a case of the Cappuccino flavor and let me tell you - it's fantastic! AO is still a little pricey compared to the powdered proteins, so I'll keep my AO for when I want to be able to grab my protein and go. I also bought DaVinci's syrup (German Chocolate Cake - omg!), whole flax seeds, Nature's Hollow peach preserves and Micellar Milk. If you're anywhere in the Bay Area, you should definitely check them out. Or check out their website: www.harmonyhealthyfoods.com

On the road to ONE-derland * Week Three *

2007-03-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

((sigh)) I'm stuck at 212. I think I might be headed for a slow-down or a stall. I know it's a temporary thing and a part of the "process".. but it's soooo FRUSTRATING! Just gonna keep doing what I'm supposed to do.

Cheap date

2007-03-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

Yep, that's me. Last night I had dinner with my new friend Jane. Jane is a friend of my good friend J .. we've both known J for many years and we're both from the same home town, but we had never met until yesterday. Jane especially wanted to meet me because she's pre-op and she's going through the six month WLS education program required by Kaiser. So - we met yesterday and she took me to dinner so that we could talk ..she had lots of questions for me. She took me to this really cool spot in Emeryville called the Townhouse. Great food (lots of good choices for me, which I always appreciate), warm inviting atmosphere.. and a pretty decent wine list. We decided to share an appetizer and a salad and order seperate entrees (most of mine went home to Chris).. and I decided that I would splurge a little and order a glass of Reissling. So I got about 1/2 of the way into this glass and I realized that I was buzzed! Ok.. that's not true. I was DRUNK. I was even beginning to slur my words a little. It was sooo embarrassing but really very funny. And in true WLS form, I was completely sober by the time she drove me home. I guess it was a good learning experience for both of us - Jane got a first-hand view of what drinking is like post-op - and I got a reminder of what a total cheap date I am now. Anyway, I'm very happy to have made a new friend and I'm excited to be able to support her on her journey. I can't wait for Jane to see how fantastic the journey really is.

Progress

2007-03-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

This Sunday was my girlfriend Katrina's baby shower. She got married at the end of July - I wrote about her wedding in this post. After the wedding, Katrina emailed me a picture of Chris and I dancing together at the reception. It's a very sweet picture, but it's a "before" picture that I had a lot of trouble looking at when I saw it. In fact, I was horrified by it. I remember looking at the two of us, wondering how he could find me lovable. I know that sounds awful, but it's true. When I got home from Katrina's shower, I turned on our camera and looked at the picture that was taken of she and I .. and I almost didn't know who I was looking at. Here are the pics - they speak for themselves.

On the road to ONE-derland * Week Two *

2007-03-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

The scale is down one pound this week to 212. I know that I could have lost more this week, but I only went to Curves twice this week. I had originally planned on four days, but ended up going out in the City instead of working out. It was a good trade-off in my eyes - I've been spending time with one of my best friends, J, who had a break-up with his boyfriend of 4 1/2 years. I really feel for him.. it's not easy to suddenly become single again after a long-term relationship. So on Thursday night, Chris and I went to his place after work and then we all went out for the most delicious Thai meal. I have to be careful with Thai food because it is a major trigger food for me. When I was living downtown in SF a few years ago, there was a Thai place on the next block that stayed open until 4am (it served a lot of the late-night party crowd) and I would order massive amounts of take-out and go home and stuff myself with curries and lots and lots of rice. Things have definitely changed since then.. I had about 1/2 cup of green curry with chicken and eggplant and some satay and I was pleasantly satisfied but not in pain. What a freeing feeling that is! Yesterday I took the train to J's place and we went spent a lovely day shopping around his neighborhood in the Sunset district. We walked up and down Irving street, which is largely Asian influenced, with a nice mix of Russian and Mediterranean. I bought lots of ethnic cooking items, all ridiculously cheap. I love shopping in ethnic markets.. it's like taking a mini-vacation without using your passport! I bought some Chinese 5-spice powder, some chili soy sauce, a big bottle of Chinese hot sauce, some good Italian balsamic vinegar, some perfectly-sized little tins of Italian tomato paste, a few pieces of Japanese stoneware for my kitchen (bowls and such) ..those always come in handy, and a really nice heavy bamboo cutting board. All for less than $40. The day was perfect - the sun was shining brightly, I was with one of my favorite people in the world and I felt fantastic in my ever-improving body.

Next week it's down to business though - 4 days (no excuses!) at Curves and no deviations in meals. I'll make a big pot of Taco Soup today for my lunches this week and I have plenty of yogurt in the fridge for my breakfasts. Maybe I'll make a veggie and cheese crustless quiche to mix it up a little. I'm hoping next week will have me on the other side of 210 and closer to ONE-derland! (and those boots!)

Sliding over on the loser's bench

2007-03-07T11:04:00.000-08:00

... cuz we're gonna have another loser around very soon! My internet buddy Amber, who I met at LowCarbFriends, just got a verbal approval from her insurance company for WLS. I'm pretty sure she'll be having RNY. I'm so excited and happy for her! I've been a member at LCF for several years now.. joined back in 2002 when I did Atkins and lost (and then almost completely gained back) about 80 lbs. Though not everyone there is WLS-positive, there's a growing community of WLS'ers on the site. I still visit LCF because I live a low-carb lifestyle.. WLS is helping me to maintain that lifestyle. I know that this is how I have to live the rest of my life. My insulin resistance will not disappear because I had WLS, no matter how much weight I lose. My genetic predisposition to obesity will not be "cured" by WLS. I will be forever vigilant. This is the promise that I have made to myself.

On the road to ONE-derland

2007-03-03T07:30:00.000-08:00

I'm going to post my Saturday weigh-ins as I get closer to the 199 mark. When I get there, I'm going to treat myself to something nice - I was thinking a new pair of knee boots. I can't wear my old ones because 1. I've lost weight in my feet and now they're too wide and 2. I've lost weight in my calves and now they're all stretched out and won't stay up on my legs. I'm due for a sexy little treat anyway!

So this morning I weighed in at 213! That's a 4 lb week.. boy am I glad that I started to work out again. I've been a little sore because I work those machines for all that they're worth, but it's a good sore. I think I'm going to try adding some crunches when I get home from Curves. I really want to get rid of this belly fat asap.

That's about it for now - I'll update more soon.

Major update!

2007-02-27T12:15:00.000-08:00

Sorry if this post rambles a little.. I have so much to tell you all. First off - I weighted in at 217 on Saturday! Onederland is so close that I can taste it. I finally got around to re-joining Curves in order to keep my weightloss going .. I'm going to work hard to rev up my metabolism. Chris and I had planned to start working out together, but there seemed to always be a problem with his work/school schedule or our financial situation and I was tired of putting it off. I love the Curves workout.. it's accessible and the atmosphere is comfortable. It's a good first step for me. Swimming is still my major goal, but I'm just not in the right condition for master's swimming. I'll get there.

My trip to the East Coast was fantastic! We started out by driving to LA with my friend Chris and his partner Ivan - we all went to see a concert featuring Jill Scott, the Roots and Lupe Fiasco. Here's a pic of Chris and I, and our friends Angie and Darren, who we stayed with while in LA. We were all dressed up for the show - I felt very glam that night!

The next day we flew out of LAX to Washington DC. Our flight was delayed, but we got there in one piece. We stayed in Silver Spring, MD with Chris' friends Ken and Jessica for the first 3 nights. The day after we arrived, a major ice storm hit and our day of sightseeing in DC was cut short. The Federal Triangle closed at 2pm that day, which really sucked. I did get a picture in front of the Smithsonian building, though I never got to see the inside. Here's the pic (that's me all bundled up):

The next day we went to visit Chris' grandmother, whom the family calls Sugar, and his Aunt Charlotte. Sugar is such a lovely woman.. we had a nice visit. She told me before we left that she was so happy that Chris had met a lady like me. I almost cried. That made me so happy! From Maryland, we drove to Newark, Delaware to see Chris' sister Julia and his parents. Newark is beautiful.. the University of Delaware is there and it's a gorgeous campus. Julia was so cool - she's someone that I would be friends with even if she wasn't my very-likely-future-sister-in-law! Chris' mom and step-father were so friendly and made me feel so welcome in their home. We stayed a night at their house in Bridgeville, DE (they have 2 houses about an hour and a half apart). Here's a pic of Chris and his mom Margaret - he looks just like his mama! So cute!

From Bridgeville, we drove to Charlottesville, Virginia - stopping on the way to say hello to Chris' friend Sia in Chevy Chase, MD. Sia is a gorgeous Greek art school friend.. she was a riot. Very colorful woman. She kept telling us how beautiful our children are going to be and wanting to know why weren't hitched yet. It was kinda fun watching Chris squirm a little!

We finally arrived in Charlottesville at the home of Chris' best friend Peter, his wife Robin, and their 9 year old son Davis. They have a beautiful home in the woods that they've restored over the last 10 years. Staying with them was like staying in a bed-and-breakfast. We had a great time. It was nice seeing Chris with his buddy, talking about comic books and other geeky boy stuff. Here's a pic of our hosts:

From Charlottesville we drove back to DC to the airport and took the long flight home. We both came home feeling more connected - I felt like I knew my partner better than I did before. I can't imagine my life without him. I've never known love like this and I've never shared my life with anyone like this. Nice feeling.. very nice. Finally.

Month five in the life of the future pin-up girl

2007-02-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

I've just gotten back from the whirlwind Meet the Parents trip. It went really well - I've definitely got the Seal of Approval. I'm still jetlagged and catching up at work, so please stay tuned for a nice long post. I'll give you all the details.. I promise!

Tagged by the ultra-fab S

2007-01-31T15:19:00.000-08:00

Explain what ended your last relationship?
I guess you'd say cultural differences.. the Colombian "machismo" thing wasn't going to work for this girl

When was the last time you shaved?
Two days ago

What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Getting off the train (BART) on my way to work

What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Munching on a piece of tangerine

Are you any good at math?
I'm decent at it but I don't enjoy it

Your prom night?
I didn't go. Noone asked me. I don't feel like I missed out on anything though

Do you have any famous ancestors?
Not that I know of

Have you had to take a loan out for school?
Thankfully no. My grandmother paid for travel school and I've paid for the undergrad stuff that I've done

Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
Yes!.. "It Must Be Love" by Etta James

Last thing received in the mail?
Nike Woman catalogue - I'd love some new workout wear from Nike

How many different beverages have you had today?
Counting my protein - 4. Nectar Roadside Lemonade, hot lemon tea, a sf vanilla latte, Crystal Light lemonade

Do you ever leave messages on peoples answering machine?
I do most of the time

Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
The Red Hot Chili Peppers with The Cramps as the opening act - New Year's Eve 1990. My first experience in a moshpit. I had the biggest bruises on the tops of my feet because I didn't know to wear hard shoes.

Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
I have before

What was the most painful dental procedure you have had?
Having my wisdom teeth removed

What is out your back door?
Don't have one.. I live in an apartment

Any plans for Friday night?
Oh yes! Friday is my 2 year anniversary and we're staying the night at the Four Seasons in SF. I got a hook-up from the sales manager.I can't wait.. I'm such a hotel ho... I looooove staying in fancy hotels!

Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Yes, and I love what it does to my skin too

Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Nope

Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Yes - and I've gone to one of those cheesy laser shows too

Do you re-use towels after you shower?
I do for one day if I'm at home

Some things you are excited about?
My new nephew, who should be born any day now.. Flying to Washington DC in 2 weeks to meet Chris' family for the first time .. My dad coming to visit on my birthday next Wednesday .. Seeing Jill Scott, Common, and the Roots in concert a week from Saturday .. Serious swimming in the spring .. My new body and my new life

What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Don't have one.. can't stand the stuff

Describe your keychain(s)
A Harley Davidson 100th Anniversary fob that I got at a HD run that I went on with my Dad in 2003 .. a mini-flashlight so that I can see my door locks at night.. a few various keys

Where do you keep your change?
Usually at the bottom of my purse

Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Open just a little so the cat can get in and out

Month four in the life of the future pin-up girl

2007-01-24T11:16:00.000-08:00

Life at four months post-op is great folks! I feel so much more comfortable with my body. I'm still over 200 lbs, which I had hoped to be under by now, but I think I'm ok with that. Really, I can't remember being this small since I graduated from high school, so how can I be disappointed? Eating is becoming easier and easier (now that I've sworn off eggs..lol). I have a good routine down.. Nectar protein first thing upon waking. Either yogurt or 1/2 a protein bar around 10am if I'm hungry.. often nothing until lunch. Lunch is usually a small soup from my favorite spot, San Francisco Soup. Co. Lots of watered down Crystal Light in the early afternoon. Then a cup of hot tea around 3pm or so. I get home around 6pm and start dinner, which is protein of some sort and a cooked veggie.. maybe a few baby greens with a drizzle of dressing. I have to be careful with dressing though - I dump pretty hard on fats. I do ok with butter in moderation and olive oil, but I cannot stomach (literally) mayonnaise or really creamy salad dressing. Just the thought of it makes me want to heave. I find this fascinating, considering pre-op I ate mayo like it was its own food group. I slathered that stuff on EVERYTHING.. I even put it in spaghetti. Eww. Anyway, food is pretty easy to tolerate - which is good because I have to feed my body. I feel really healthy - and I think I look pretty healthy too. Before surgery I was concerned that I might end up looking gaunt and bug-eyed, which I've seen in a few before/after pics on OH. Not cute. But me - I'm finally feeling cute again! All of my favorite clothes fit again and many have been folded up and put in a pile to be donated. I wear skirts and heals to work almost every day. I fix my hair and my makeup and enjoy being a girl again - and people are noticing! Especially my coworkers.. who now ask me what shade of eyeshadow I'm wearing and tell me how much they love my new haircolor. Speaking of haircolor - I'm now a redhead!.. and I'm loving it! I finally found a new stylist and she's so wonderful. Her name is Colleen and she's 3 years post-op.. isn't that too cool!?! She's a gorgeous redhead and just the sweetest person. I love going to see her because she makes me feel so comfortable. She knows exactly what I'm going through and what my concerns are (like the thinning hair thing). So far, I'm thinning some on my crown, but it's still manageable. Going with a lighter color and processing my hair again has helped a lot. So - here are the new pics! I hope you like. I'll try to get Chris to take a full body (clothed..lol) soon.. but in the meantime, I think these shots will give you an idea.

Love to my sassy fatty sisters!

One pound .....whatever

2007-01-23T09:49:00.000-08:00

Dammit - I thought for sure I had lost more than one measly pound. Oh well - guess I'm losing inches instead of pounds right now. I do that a lot - I'll lose a lot of poundage or several inches but not at the same time. Last night I was laying on my bed (eek - nude!) and Chris started staring at me from the waist down. I started to get really self-conscious and I asked him, "What are you looking at? Do I need to shave or something?" He laughed and said, "No - I'm just shocked at how much your body has changed." I made sure to thank him properly for noticing ;-)

Bad egg

2007-01-22T14:06:00.000-08:00

I have a love/hate relationship with eggs. I don't know what it is about them, but Phyllis just cannot make up her mind whether they will go down just fine - or if they will make me severely ill, hating life for about 3 hours. Saturday morning I had one scrambled egg with a little cheddar cheese and salsa. No problem. Sunday morning, again - one scrambled egg with a little cheddar cheese and salsa. Within 10 minutes of eating, I felt a full-body green nausea overtake me. I ended up in bed for 3 hours praying that the nausea would pass. WTF?!? And today I'm still feeling kinda yucky. I'm sipping some warm mint tea and hoping that I'll feel a little better tonight.

I haven't weighed myself yet this week, but I'm pretty sure that I've lost a bit more. My new slacks are all saggy in the butt. I'll go downstairs and jump on the scale when I get home tonight. Seeing a new low number will definitely make me feel better.

Walking on Sunshine

2007-01-09T16:44:00.000-08:00

I'm having one of those days - one of those "it's-just-so-good-to-be-alive-and-everything-is-beautiful-and-I-can't-stop-smiling" type of days. I had my 3 month post-op checkup with Dr. U today. My blood work came back great - he's very happy with my weight loss and also with my appearance. He says that I have good color and that I look very healthy. That was great news - I just love that man! So I left there in my cute twirly little skirt and my kitten-heal maryjanes, enjoying this gorgeous, sunny Bay Area day.. I almost skipped to my car! On top of it all, I got the BEST COMPLIMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE last night. So - Chris comes home from school last night and tells me that he ran into his classmate Jen. They caught up on how winter break had gone and were exchanging numbers when she saw the pic of me that Chris has as the wallpaper on his cell phone. He told me that she said, "Oh Chris - she's really beautiful. She looks like one of those pin-up girls. What's that artist's name - Varga?" I've never met Jen, but I think she's my new favorite person. I just had to share with you all because if anyone would understand how that made me feel, you all would.

Lights out

2007-01-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

Last night I fainted for the first time ever. The whole evening was going great.. I was starting dinner and trying to cut into a butternut squash. I was going to try to duplicate the most delicious butternut squash soup that we had last month at a holiday dinner at the Four Seasons Hotel. In the process I sliced my finger. It was sorta deep but not deep enough for stitches in my mind. Chris bandaged me up and seemed a little concerned that I was refusing the stitches. I went back into the kitchen and suddenly felt hot and head-swimmy. Next thing I knew, I was in the floor with Chris over me, shouting at me and kinda freaking out. Poor thing - it really scared him. He got me up and put me to bed and immediately called Dr. U. Dr. U calmed him down and asked a bunch of questions about how I was feeling (I felt just fine). Since I was having no pain or nausea or vomiting or anything WLS-related, he told me to rest and to go to the ER if I started having any other symptoms. This morning I woke up with a big lump on the back of my head and a serious bruise on my ass. I guess it's a good thing that my big ole booty cushioned my fall.

Month three (and 1/2) in the life of the future pin-up girl

2007-01-03T10:52:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Sorry that I've been away from my blog for so long (has it really been since Thanksgiving?!), but this holiday season was just so eventful and even a little overwhelming at times.

On the WLS front, I'm now at the lowest weight that I've been at in about 10 years. Last night I bought size 16 slacks and I'm proudly wearing them today. My new size 16 jeans will premier on Friday..lol. Ok, so they're a Lane Bryant 16, but so what! On Sunday, I JOGGED!! It's amazing the things that I can do with 60 pounds taken off of my body. I wear heals to work without excrutiating pain.. I stand taller .. I smile and I look people in the eye. I'm eating healthy meals and I'm satisfied quickly. I can't say that I ever forget to eat, but the thought of food doesn't control me. It's easy to make good food choices because I'm not obsessing about when and what I will eat next. This tool is truly amazing.

So let's see.. what's happened since Thanksgiving? .. lol. Well .. my sister and I helped throw a baby shower for my sister-in-law.. I spent a weekend with my very good friend C in Salinas.. I worked ridiculous hours as my clients did a big year-end push to close deals.. we visited my parents and my family in the Central Valley.. we went to 3 fantastic Christmas parties.. we saw "The Jersey Boys" and LOVED it (it was Chris' first time at the theatre.. he was so excited and we had a blast).. and then right after Christmas - I got the flu. That pretty much sucked, but I got through it. We spent New Year's Eve at home with a couple of DVDs, a bottle of red wine (of which I had maybe 3 oz. and got REALLY tipsy), and each other. I was happy to end the holidays at home with my honey.. relaxing and enjoying a romantic evening together.

2007 is going to be filled with lots of wonderful, exciting things.. there are so many changes to come and I can't wait! To you, my friends, I wish nothing but happiness, love and good health in the coming year.

M.I.A.

2006-12-18T12:40:00.000-08:00

Not to worry.. I'm here and doing fine. The past 3 weeks have been extremely hectic between work, family commitments, a baby shower, a few holiday parties, a trip to see one of my best friends .. and unfortunately my blog has to sit on the backburner for the moment. I will be posting my three month post-op review very soon - please stay tuned (and check out that ticker!!).

xoxo Danyele

Thankful

2006-11-25T12:34:00.000-08:00

The things that I am most thankful for are...

My family - I'm so glad that my parents encouraged me to be my own person and to never compromise myself.

My partner - I feel so lucky and thankful to have a man who loves me for who I am and makes me feel special every single day.

My health - I am so fortunate for the gift of WLS and this chance to heal my body and enhance my life.

My friends - The ones that have known me forever and have been there through thick and thin.. they mean the world to me.

My job - I love what I do and I work with people that value my talents. What a wonderful feeling!

My Sassy Fatty Sisters! - I could not have made it through the last 9 months of my life (pre and post op) without the support, advice and encouragement of this group and others in the WLS community.

For these blessings and so many more, I am truly thankful.

Month two in the life of the future pin-up girl

2006-11-20T10:29:00.000-08:00

Many post-ops told me that the first two months following WLS are the most difficult. I would have to agree. I'm beginning to accept my new way of life, both mentally and physically. I'm not obsessing about food..I can go for several hours without thinking about what I will eat next. My body likes what is happening to it - I have lots of energy.. I have zero sugar in my body.. I can move more freely and I'm experiencing less pain. I've come a long way in feeling satisfied mentally when Phyllis is full and I stop eating. I am absolutely 100% happy that I made the decision to have WLS and I do not have regrets. I think the first two months were, for me, about accepting and making peace with that decision. Now that I have, the fun can begin.

I had my first physical therapy session on Saturday. My therapist Sid is wonderful. He spent a lot of time asking me questions about my physical history, my injuries, the kind of pain that I have, and what my physical goals are. I felt like finally someone understood and could really help me. He quickly identified the injured muscle in the right thorasic region (mid-back area) where I hit when I fell down those stairs a year and a half ago. He did some deep tissue work on the muscle and he said he could feel the spasming. He feels that the injury is just in the soft tissue and not a structural injury (very good news!). He's going to work with me on healing the tissue and also working the joints in that area. Sid taught me 4 stretches that I'm to do each morning and evening until I go back on December 2. I'll be going the next 3 Saturdays after that, and then he'll reevaluate me. In the meantime, Chris and I decided to join Bally's gym. I'm going to use the treadmill and start doing some resistance work on my legs and arms to start toning up.

And - saving the best for last...... I weighed in at 249 on Saturday! Woohoo baby.. I'm under 250! I had a 5 pound week and I'm SO glad that the scale is starting to move for me. My clothes are fitting nicely and I'm getting into dressing up again. It's been fun being all girlie again! At my Mom's house, I have a big suitcase filled with all of my "skinny" clothes (sizes 18 and 20) that I can take home with me after Thanksgiving. Can't wait to see what will fit me - I have a size 18 black leather skirt in there that I would love to be in by Christmas.

I'm so pumped up and ready to work hard to make it to my goals. I can already tell that month 3 is going to be fantastic!

It's her time

2006-11-15T09:30:00.000-08:00

Today our sassy sister Donna is having WLS! I'm so excited for her and wishing her all the best. She's going to be one amazing WLS success story. Donna originally thought she wouldn't get a date until after the first of the year, but things happened quickly and now it's HER time.

As for me, I'm just plugging along. I lost 2 lbs last week, which is fine. I'm still shrinking which is the most important thing. I went through my closet and pulled a bunch of clothes from the back that fit me so nicely now. It was almost like Christmas! This week I've been wearing my cute plaid wool skirts with tights - a bit of a naughty schoolgirl look. Yesterday I gave all of my slacks and a couple of skirts in size 22 to one of my coworkers. This lady is so sweet - I'm glad that she didn't take my offer of the clothes as an offense. Before my WLS, she and I were the biggest people in the office. Is it weird that I feel like I'm abandoning her?

Women who ROCK

2006-11-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

I don't care what your politics are - all women should feel very proud today. Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D) will be the next Speaker of the House. That's right - a woman will be two seats away from Presidency. That is PROGRESS, ladies! Give 'em hell Nancy!!

"Maybe it will take a woman to clean up the House, and a new speaker to restore civility" Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D)

Could it be? Is that - a neck?..

2006-11-07T10:41:00.000-08:00

My skinny jeans

2006-11-06T13:52:00.000-08:00

Ok, so my skinny jeans are size 18s - but I got them on, dammit! They're not quite ready for public view.. I'll give them another week or so. And - I'm half way to my first major goal of getting back to 227 - my lowest weight during my Atkins days back in 2002-03. Just 29 lbs to go!

So I had yet another dr. appt today - I saw my PCP and asked for a referral to a physical therapist. My back has been spasming again for about a week or so. I want to get back into the gym REALLY BADLY, but I'm terrified that I'll reinjure my back. So in a week or so, I should have the insurance approval for PT. In the meantime, I got another Rx for Valium (thank goodness!) and I'm looking for a good massage therapist in the East Bay. Despite all of the back pain, I did climb all of the stairs at the BART station today. That felt good - 2 months ago there would have been no way.

The scale is moving for me, though it's a bit slower than I would like. I decided to start taking my Glucophage again to see if it helps me lose a bit easier. Dr. U had left it up to me whether or not I would take it again after surgery (I take it for PCOS, not diabetes). Now that I'm 7 weeks out, I'm giving it a try. I started taking it on Saturday and so far, so good. No major tummy issues with 500 mg., so I'll increase to 1000 mg. next week.

Oh - and a question for all of the post-ops - did you start noticing more restriction at 6-7 weeks out? I've read about people's pouches being "numb" right after surgery - and feeling fuller after a few weeks post-op. I'm feeling much fuller, much quicker now and thankfully, not having to eat quite as frequently. I still try to eat small amounts every 3-4 hours, but I'm not having as many blood sugar issues as before. Hell I don't know - I'm still trying to figure Phyllis out!!

All in the Family

2006-11-02T09:07:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday, my cousin Paul had WLS. He's recovering nicely from his lap RNY and should be released from the hospital this afternoon. Paul is now the third member of my family (on my mom's side) to have WLS. I was second. My Aunt Debbie was first. She's now five years post-op and maintaining a normal weight. The unfortunate thing about my family is that not one member is of a normal weight - we are ALL overweight. Actually, I take that back. We're all obese. If there was ever a family genetically designed to outlast a famine, we're it. Of course, there is no famine - so we put that stored energy away for a rainy day in the form of fat. It just makes me wonder about what our future generations will be like. Will Paul's new baby boy, who is less than a year old, grow up overweight? It so happens that Paul's wife is a WLS post-op too. His son will be lucky to grow up with parents who have a different view of eating than ours did. And for myself - will I be dooming my own future child(ren) to a life of obesity, simply by dealing him/her/them a bad hand genetically?

Happy (sugar-free) Halloween!

2006-10-31T12:34:00.000-08:00

I am celebrating my first truly sugar-free Halloween. Even during my Atkins days, I "took the day off" on Halloween. Today has always been my favorite holiday, but I have to admit, this year I didn't get into it the way I usually do. Partly because I've been really busy and partly because I've been too preoccupied with Phyllis and my new way of life. Those things aside, I had a really good day. We had a potluck lunch at work and - believe it or not - there were lots of things that I could eat. I enjoyed socializing with my coworkers and also got to sample some yummy dishes .. chicken chili with white beans, hummus, 7 layer dip, and a big salad with chicken and almonds. I didn't even miss the sugary stuff because I was full of good protein. Next year, I know I'll enjoy my favorite holiday even more. I'll have to have my Marilyn Monroe costume taken in about 10 sizes by then!

Oh - and I found a great Wikipedia article about celebrating a sugar-free (or reduced sugar) Halloween with your kids. I don't think we'll get trick-or-treaters this year, but there are lots of great ideas for guilt-free treats.

Weird meat

2006-10-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

Looking for ways to increase your protein intake? Well check out this site. The site is owned by my friend Michael, who I had the biggest crush on in high school.

Enjoy!

My luck

2006-10-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

I am one of the unfortunate WLS post-op patients that still feels physical hunger. It took me about 3 weeks to really figure it out. When I went in for my one month appt, I asked Dr. U why I was feeling hungry and he couldn't give me a definite answer. Not every WLS patient loses the hunger sensation after WLS. And I'm one of those unlucky folks.

So far, eating every 3 hours has helped. If I don't, I feel sick.. lightheaded or headachy.. my stomach feels like it's going to turn inside out. It really sucks. I hoped that I would be free of thinking about food for a while. But no. I'm not that lucky.

Month one in the life of the future pin-up girl

2006-10-22T20:26:00.000-07:00

And what a month it has been.. whew. It's been a rollercoaster so far.

I had my one month checkup with Dr. U last week - I'm down 25 lbs, which I'm very happy with. I lost it all in the first 3 weeks and then the scale stopped moving. It was actually right after I started using my new bc method - Nuvaring, which I love! At first, I started to get frustrated, but then I decided to get off the scale and start focusing on what my body was doing. It is definitely shrinking. I put the scale downstairs in our locked storage unit and I'm only going to get it out on Saturdays to weigh. I've gone down two pant sizes already, and most of my size 20s are fitting nicely.

I think the most difficult part of the last month has been the emotional part. I've had a lot of sad things happen just in the last few weeks (ended my long-time friendship with L.. long story - and my Dad has moved back to St. Louis) and I haven't had my old stress-reliever, food, to rely on and make it all better. That has been the toughest part.. feeling my emotions without the filter that food used to provide.

Food's role in my life has changed significantly. I am happy to say that I've been able to tolerate food much more easily after starting the Protonix. I've been able to cook a few things for Chris and I to eat together, which has been great. I've always enjoyed cooking for the simple pleasure of caring for other people. Now that I'm able to eat more solid protein (ground meat (turkey/chicken/a little beef), shrimp, fish), I'm cooking healthy meals that are good for both of us. That's a nice feeling. And the best part is - I'm not craving sugar AT ALL. Having it out of my system for 5 weeks now has been wonderful. I don't even want the artificial sweetened stuff, like sugar-free popsicles and things.

That's the quick update - I promise I'll write more soon.

Who says this is easy??

2006-10-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

Phyllis and I have had another week of getting to know each other, and let me tell you.. it has not been any walk in the park. After my 2 week appt, I was advanced to Dr. U's stage 3 diet and encouraged to add high protein soft foods to my diet - mainly tuna and cottage cheese. Last Sunday, I tried a couple of bites of tuna and it did NOT go well. I ended up vomiting and then heaving once there was nothing left. It was so awful. After that, even water felt like razor blades going down my esophagus. I had planned on going back to work on Monday, but could hardly get out of bed. My entire abdomen hurt from all of the heaving that I had done the day before. So Tuesday I went to see Dr. U. He put me back on Protonix and said that if I wasn't doing better by my one month appt next Tuesday, he would schedule yet another endoscopy. I'm happy to say that the Protonix did the trick! I think I'll need to stay on it for a couple of months while my pouch heals completely. Last night I was able to get down some pureed refried beans with no problems and I was able to get my fluids in. I'm really glad that I made the decision to see Dr. U and that I didn't try to "tough it out", because I'd probably still be in agony.

So far, I've lost 23 lbs - I'm averaging one pound a day. It feels fantastic! Yesterday was my first day back to work. Walking the 5 blocks from BART to my office, I could feel how much easier I was moving. I was able to do some of the stairs at the BART station and I know that I'll continue to do better and better. At lunch, I went to a Chinese deli that does wonton soup and I got a big bowl of broth for $1.50. I'm a big believer in the healing powers of Chinese soup! Phyllis and I both loved it. My energy stayed pretty high over the course of the day, but when I got home, I was tired. I had my beans and hung out with Chris for a while, and then crashed out early. This morning, I put on a pair of slacks that is already really loose on me and a top that finally FITS ME now. I fixed my cute new hair and went out the door with a smile on my face.

WLS certainly hasn't been easy so far, but I can already tell that it was WORTH IT!

Surviving week two

2006-10-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my two-week progress appt with Dr. U. I'm excited to see what his scale reads.. mine reads 268 this morning. That's an 18 lb loss in 13 days folks. I can hardly wrap my mind around it.

I am SO HAPPY that week two is coming to a close. I thought I was going to lose my mind at the beginning of the week. I could not stop thinking about food, no matter what I tried. Every TV ad, every restaurant that I passed on the street, every smell.. the food that was all around seemed to be taunting me. I was even dreaming about food. And it was pissing me off. I kept thinking "maybe my surgery didn't work" and even, "my God - will I be one of the failures?"

Thankfully, as I was in the midst of this self-doubt and anxiety, I read a post on Shel's blog from a man named Dana. That post did so much to ease my mind and help me realize that what I was experiencing was TOTALLY NORMAL. Once I realized that, the food thoughts started to drift away. It was actually quite amazing.. I took back control of my thoughts and forced food out of them.

Originally, my weekend was going to be spent with my friend C in Salinas, but our plans changed and we ended up driving to the Central Valley, where my parents live. Saturday was my best friend L's 33rd birthday. As I have mentioned before, L had WLS last August. Chris and I took her out for her birthday on Saturday night and we had a blast. I drove us around to a couple of the local spots and they had a couple of drinks and we all played pool. That evening gave L and I a chance to talk about how I was feeling and what I could expect over the next few weeks.

So now I'm going into week three feeling great - my mind is free of the food obsessing and my body is feeling better and better with every pound lost. Oh - and to celebrate this new phase in my life, I got a fresh new look too. L is a stylist - she gave me a new cut and color - a deep rich brown with a few highlights. I love the color - it really makes my eyes pop. Below are some pics - one of the new do, one from the hospital, and one right after getting home. The pic of me in the hospital upset me when I saw it, but I'm glad that I asked my step-dad to take a few. I can't ever forget that day or the gift that I was given that day. As difficult as this may be, I know that I am so fortunate for this chance at a new life.

One tough broad

2006-09-25T21:48:00.000-07:00

After a rather eventful and painful evening, I have named my pouch. Her name thus-forth is Phyllis - Phyllis Diller. As in if you "fill-us" too full, you will pay dearly (and I did - some chicken soup with white beans that was really chunky and that I obviously didn't blend well enough). I think the name fits - especially considering the number of times that Ms. Diller has been under the knife.

Phyllis is in control. I get it.

Six days post-op

2006-09-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

I feel really good. I can hardly believe that it's only been six days since my surgery. My abdomen is still sore and a little puffy, but my incisions seem to be healing well. I was able to sleep in my bed on my back with lots of pillows from the day I got home. Last night I slept on my side with fewer pillows and I did fine. My energy level has been excellent, but I haven't been overdoing it, and I've been sure to get a nap in every afternoon. I'm still getting to know my new stomach. I know consciously that I'm not hungry, but the dull ache and occasional rumbling have messed with my head a bit and made me think that I was. Of couse, logically, the ache is pain from my healing intestines and the rumbling is gas. It's just all very new and weird.

Everything that I've injested so far has done well, including skim milk. I've so glad for that, because I'm allergic to soy. Soy gave me terrible stomach cramps pre-op. So far, I've having either an EAS Carb Control or Myoplex shake in the morning... in the afternoon, I've had chicken or beef broth, or cream of chicken or diluted and blended french onion soup (Campbell's canned). I've had some sugar-free popsicles in between - my favorite are the Diet A&W rootbeer, Diet Crush and Diet Dr. Pepper flavored ones that I found made by Popsicle brand. Sooo yummy! I've also been mixing Gerber's no-sugar added apple juice with brewed iced tea and ice.. it's really refreshing. I've found Crystal Light to be WAY to sweet, but it's okay if I dilute it way down with water. Last night for dinner, I added some steamed caulflower to my cream of chicken and mushroom soup and blended it in my Bella Cucina - it was really tasty, but it made me a little gassy, so I'll wait to do that again.

I think my biggest problem over the next 2 weeks while I'm off of work will be BOREDOM. All of my friends and Chris are working during the day and I'm not used to being home alone all day long. I do have plans for the weekend though. I just talked to my girlfriend that lives in Salinas (about 1 1/2 hour drive from my house) that I haven't seen in months. I wrote about her in this post. I'm planning to drive down to see her and her two daughters this weekend. Her house is really close to Monterey and Carmel and Chris hasn't ever been there, so I think we'll go for a nice weekend away. I think we both deserve it.

There's no place like home

2006-09-21T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I just got home this afternoon. My surgery went so well.. I can hardly even believe that it's happened. I'm still really sore and tired, so I'll be writing more later. Thanks to you all for the kind wishes. xoxo D

Tomorrow is only a day away

2006-09-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

1 day... Tomorrow is my surgery day. Wow, it came around fast! And I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I have to say, I am glad that Dr. U filled my valium during my pre-op visit. I've taken it at night before bed and I've slept like a baby.

Saturday morning I got up early and went out shopping to get everything that I needed for when I get home from the hospital. My overnight bag is packed, I have protein and soup and sugar free popsicles, and the wonderful magnesium citrate is sitting in my cupboard waiting for me tonight. I got a really cool new kitchen gadget for my protein shakes too. It's similar to a Magic Bullet, but a lot more stylish and best of all - less expensive! I got my Bella Cucina rocket blender at Macy's - it was $29 during their weekend sale. I made a little slushy with Crystal Light and ice and it was yummy. While I was there, I went to the MAC counter to treat myself to a few of my favorite things.. including my favorite red lipstick, Viva Glam. One of the new MAC Viva Glam spokespeople is the very sexy pin-up and burlesque star, Dita Von Teese. She looks so hot in the new ads. One of the MAC artists at Macy's had a t-shirt with the Dita ad photo on it.. sadly, they're not yet for sale. But I'll be checking their website and ebay until I get my hands on one! It was nice to be in a department store, looking at clothes and bags and makeup.. all the fun girlie stuff that I love, but that I haven't done for myself in quite some time. I decided about a year ago that I would not buy clothes in a larger size because I didn't want to give myself the option of getting better. And it's worked - I'm the same size that I was when I started the process for WLS. I'm actually pretty proud of that.

Last night, Chris and my Dad and I went out for my final dinner. We had a great time and wonderful meal. I had a New York strip, some grilled garlic shrimp, all the trimmings and a top-shelf margarita. It was a nice send-off.

So today I'll get my parents checked into their hotel and just try to stay relaxed. I'm ready to get this over with and start my new life. See you all on the other side!

Closer

2006-09-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

7 days... This week is going to go fast. The last couple of days have been stressful.. I've been trying to work out who would be filling in for me at work while I'm out. Thankfully the temp agency was able to give me a guy that I know and that I've worked with before. His name is Kim and he's a doll. I'll have Thursday and Friday to get him caught up on my account. Then I'll have Monday off. I'm relieved because my dad will already be at my house (he's coming on Friday and wants to spend the weekend with us) and my mom and step-dad will get into town that afternoon. I'm very fortunate that my family is so supportive and that they're all within 2 hours of me. I'm especially happy that my dad will be here. He lives in St. Louis about 6 months out of the year with my aunt and uncle. He spends the summers out in California with us kids. He rode his Harley almost 2000 miles to come out here in April and he's planning to start the ride back around the first week of October. My dad is one of my best friends and I'm so happy that he'll be here for me. It will be fun to have him go shopping with me this weekend to stock up on all of my post-op necessities.

I love Marilyn

2006-09-10T11:46:00.000-07:00

You are Marilyn Monroe

A classic tortured beauty
You're the dream girl of many men
Yet they never seem to treat you right

What Famous Pinup Are You?

My job is fattening

2006-09-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

12 days.. I will be so thankful for the control tool that the RNY provides. I need something to keep me away from the endless goodies that make their way into my office. I work in a travel agency that offers corporate and leisure travel. We are constantly getting visits from vendors that want to sell their new resort or hotel or car model ... and to lure us in - you guessed it - they bring FOOD. Yummy decadent sweets, or a bounty of bagels, or delicate pastries.. all of the things that will send me into an instant carb-coma and keep me in "puffy-jacket hell", as I like to call it. Today was no different. Today it was the lovely Aiko with the Dorchester Hotel in London with cupcakes from Citizen Cake. I won't lie - it was the best fucking cupcake that has ever crossed my lips. I'm glad that Aiko showed up during my "Farewell to Food Tour".

Word about my surgery has started getting out around the office. I've shared my plans with a few people and I'm a pretty open person, so I don't really mind. But it's kinda weird - I'm sure that I'll be a bit of a spectacle in the office once I start to shrink. There are two people in my office that I know are very uncomfortable around me, and likely overweight people in general. I make certain to look them in the eye and say a big "hello" whenever I pass them in the halls. Especially the woman that I like to call "Skeletor".. well, that's what I call her when I'm cursing her under my breath... she's very rude to me. It will be interesting to see if either of these two will actually speak to me when I start to lose the weight. It will be difficult to keep from smacking them if/when they do.

The countdown begins!

2006-09-05T14:18:00.000-07:00

14 days.. I had my pre-op appt this morning with Dr. U. The office was really busy, so I was literally in and out. I did have an opportunity to ask questions, but I've done my homework, so I didn't have too many. I've gained 4 lbs since my initial appt in May - not the end of the world and thankfully he wasn't too concerned about it. I'm still going to keep doing the protein drink in the morning and eating low-carb. But I do plan to have a couple of special meals before my surgery. I seem to be thinking of sweets more than anything .. maybe it's just my hormones. I don't know. I asked my step-father, who is a really wonderful cook, to make me the Paula Dean "Not yo mama's" banana pudding and some lemon bars with shortbread crust. One serving of each and a really good burger and that's all that I want.

I've started putting together a list of things that I need to pick up before the big day. If any of the post-op sassy ones want to email me with their suggestions, I would really appreciate it. And btw .. welcome to all of the new sassy fattys!